Hi everyone, did you know that I preside over a portion of the biggest sand box? It is called the adult dating pool. That’s right I said the adult dating pool. Below is a series of most common games that are played in dating.

1 Telephone kinds of things. This one is amazing. You get some ones telephone number that you have decided wasn’t that interesting to you. Instead of turning down the match you never call. This prompts the person waiting for a call to find out why. Then a matchmaker must call and find out. Then the person who didn’t call agrees to do so. The one who didn’t get called right away doesn’t answer  this  goes on for days if not weeks. It seems no one wants to say no, even though they want to. In my opinion if you really want to talk to someone you will get them on the phone, providing they really want to talk to you.

Another kind of telephone game is called voice mail hell, played mostly by woman who want to screen you out for 2 reasons. The first reason is they aren’t attracted to the mental image in their mind they get from listening to a mans  voice, that’s right they get a picture in their mind of what you might look like from listening to your voice. The other reason is that they are giving you the stalker test. If you call more than one time per day you have been given stalker status.

Yet another kind of telephone game is the old I will call when I know he/she isn’t there. What happens next is that you leave a message which when they call back you never answer the phone. Isn’t this a trip down passive aggressive lane.

2 Baiting tactics, Men watch out, woman are master interrogators. The woman starts asking clever questions and formulating answers in her mind, all of a sudden your  off the list. Stay on the phone only long enough to keep some mystery, keep conversation light, never  get into controversial subjects. If you’re a man you will be asked ten different ways about your ex, stay away from talking about her at all. Tell the woman baiting you that your  only interested in talking about her and the future. Tell her your not interested in discussing past relationships. Tell her you see a healthy future ahead.

3 Bathroom escape, If  your on a dinner date and your fumbling for words then you likely exit stage right to the bathroom where you regroup your strategy. This is a time out to come back more comfortable.

4 The old cell phone is ringing trick. Woman tell  their friends to call in the middle of your date. If she said with glee, “ I’m  ok.” Then so are you. If she hangs up the phone as she portrays the obvious emergency she staged with her  friend  then your done, it’s over for you as she runs out the door.

5 The bill is in the middle of the table at the dining establishment. The man your  with never looks at it he just keeps talking until you finally look at it and offer to pay half. Remember ladies he will talk your ear off at this point. Your magic words to him. Dutch treat.

6 The long conversation that produces nothing. This where man and woman talk for hours and never make a date. The woman doesn’t because she was polite but wants to get rid of you. The man doesn’t ask because he is afraid to get turned down.

7 Geographic rejection. The matchmaker tells both parties exactly how far away they live from one another. They know just how much distance it is, so they talk to each other and agree that they just live too far away from each other. Didn’t they already know that, you can bet know one knew the real reason.

There are numerous variations of childish games adults play with one another. I say why can’t you  just be tactful, human, gentle, kind and caring while telling the truth. There are two things you should know.

1 Whatever 90% of all woman tell you is the reason your  finished is that you can count on the fact it wasn’t the real reason. This disservice is done to spare your feelings.

2 90% of all men that turn away from you and say “ I’ll call you”, will never do it.

I maintain that all this stuff further irritates all those involved in dating. It is so childish. Most people act very different in dating then they do in every aspect of their life. You should just be yourself and tell the truth. You can tell the truth gently with compassion. The bottom line is that feedback might be helpful.

Here is my realistic advice. Self discovery is wonderful, you learn about who you are, it get’s real good when a man and woman open up and get deep into real discovery about connection. This is where you find out real things that deeply matter. It is two people looking at the intrinsic compass together.

John Holt

Matchmaker