I hear about attraction all the time.  Many men base the decision to date women on visual attraction.  In this world we live in a known fact is prevalent, men are visual.  Men are more visual now than ever in my 20 year history of matchmaking.  This caused me to write this article out of great concern.  Why?  Because I think the journey starts when people can embrace the inner self.  I think many men need to look inside women to see the real appeal.  Dating smart instead of visual is what I promote.

When it comes to women the mistake made is thinking potential can’t be a future event.  As a Matchmaker, I have seen men that were diamonds in the rough.  I could predict that they would be successful in the future.  Some women won’t go out with those men, especially the women below the age of 37 who want a highly accomplished man. These women don’t understand that men their age are still developing a career. It takes time to develop most things that succeed in life.

The level of self awareness is the pathway to real intrinsic attraction.  It most certainly is fun to dress to be attractive, to look better, and stay in shape.  It pays off to smile and flirt.   However, I believe the road to longevity in relationships is to embrace the inner person.

My next question is can being a nice person be synonymous with attraction?  I just go the extra mile for nice people.  I have the girl next door nice type of women in my service, so I ask is that attractive?  Can men like plain Jane if she is sweet?

What about gut level mind blowing chemistry?  There are some people who believe that the gut feeling does it that if the sparks don’t fly then it wont happen.  I say if you have higher awareness you will spend the time looking deeper into someone.  This takes time.

Did you ever hear about the woman who is attracted to the bad boy?  What is that all about?  Does it make sense at all?  It is true some woman will put up with a man who mistreats them and is a narcissist?  Why would woman derive attraction from a beast that treats them like dirt?  I think they are confused.  The mind is a very complex place and differs from one person to the next.  Many a nice guy has said to me “Why don’t they want me I’m a nice guy, I treat them well, what do they want”?  I have trouble with that as a matchmaker.  It would make no educated sense to tell them to become a bad boy.

Getting back to men and their visual attraction.  Today a man is extremely visual, why?  Because Madison Ave. images about what women should look like doesn’t represent what 96% of all women look like.  Only 4% of all women look like models.  There are men out there who ruin their lives chasing beautiful women they can’t have.  They will stay alone if they can’t attract one.  So ladies what are you going to do if your not gorgeous?  Ideal female beauty is projected from advertising and Hollywood images.  I ask you men this, aren’t there many divorces in Hollywood?   When it comes to attraction women are portrayed as these extremely sleek, slender glamour girls with long flowing hair.  So the idea of looking great for men follows women and torments them when it comes to attracting men.  Today men are so paranoid about what women weigh that the idea is warped in their mind.  I know women that weigh more that look great and men will never complain about what they look like once they see them.  If I told the men what the women weighed, they would never agree to meet them.  They do not know what real women weigh?  I remember when I met this woman from Groton C.T.  She joined my service and had deep blue eye’s, 5’ 8”, and weighted 165 pounds.  She was a triathlete with a beautiful face and blonde hair.  I never told the men what she weighed because they would all say no going out with her.  Guess what?  No man ever complained about her and the 8 men she met all found her attractive.  The fact is she only had 2% body fat.  She was all muscle.

So what I am suggesting here is that in many ways all of you should think about what is really attractive in people and much of it is about awareness.  If you are aware you will look deeper below the surface and find true attraction

John Holt

Matchmaker