Emotional Problems High Anxiety/ Depression/ Mental Illness/ as it Relates to Dating Relationships
Posted by John Holt on Mon, Sep 14, 2009 @ 03:33 PM
Wow you must be thinking why is he talking about this?I travel all over C.T, M.A, R.I 3 sections of N.Y and V.T On the road and in my travels I observe behavior.I observe behavior in many ways. I currently see a trend of very nervous people on edge more than ever.Could the economic uncertainty have anything to do with this and is this behavior impedeing your progress in life and relationships.Most people these days are insecure about their future. In dating it is no different, lonliness breeds unsettling thoughts. Thoughts of what could be create high anxiety, high anxiety creates poor decisions. When you suffer from high anxiety your on a treadmill of desperation.In dating desperation is an indicator of bad decisions to come. Afterall you waited long enough haven't you. What will happen if you get rejected too many times? Depression can take over making you feel hopeless.
Hope is the cornerstone of my business, many place their hope at my doorstep.When it goes well euphoria takes place.When it goes one way well but bad for the other, false hope takes place. When frustration sets in it is time to look inward.Problem solving is the focus, sometimes changing your path is the way to regroup.Identify your problem and plan a strategy to deal with it.
Problems in life create pain, psychological pain.Delaying gratification for singles waiting to be in a relationship is like a time bomb going off.Many engage in ugly behavior, some of it directed at me, yes loveable me southern new englands most charming matchmaker.I understand this behavior however I dont find it healthy and I dont condone it. I am not responsible for the past sins of many which led many of you to high anxiety, depression and much worse.
Problem solving now keeps you from the psycholgists office later.Although therapy is not a bad place when the world gets out of control.I believe many of us are impatient with each other.The world is uncomfortable around us.Many people are not truthful with each other it causes pain. It takes time to solve problems.In dating psychology.A matchmaker must understand the behavior of singles searching for love and yes this means dealing with desperation. The first thing I must recognize in people are they any of the following.1, Normal everyday people who are just looking but are misguided. 2,People who are sabotaging themselves with a variety of defense mechanisms and passive aggressive behaviors.3 People with high anxiety over dating relationships.4, People who are trying to date with a clinical anxiety disorder and the effect of that on others.5, Persons with neurosis. 6 Psychotic people. Many of you are wondering how many fall into these categories.You all would be surprised.Did you know alot of people are on anti depressant medication these days, we all hope it helps. Did you also know that you the single person is largely responsible for who you are and how you interact.It is all your responsibility to know who you are and how you interact, furthermore it is no one elses fault how you act and how you get percieved.Responsibility for how you are makes you a good dating partner or not, breakdown of emotion will keep you single. If you suffer from neuroses and charecter disorders you will affect your own life and everyone you come in contact with.
If divorce was the result of your behavior and you think you escaped to freedom you are mistaken.The world you are now entering should have a ticket to self examination of your emotional well being.
In becoming the best candidate for matchmaking, dating, meeting people and relationship development you must dedicate yourself to reality. Delusions of anykind especially grandeur will be destructive.You must examine yourself in your previous relationships, do the work on yourself and try to change what you did wrong.
Openess to the challenge of emotional disturbance that causes toxic relationships is critical to healing. Withholding the truth to me the matchmaker and kidding yourself out of any responsibility will be destructive to the dating process. You must create balance with the opposite sex, emotional balance.If your maladjusted you will bounce from one person to the next.If you become depressed you will be unhealthy.
So does a rebirth need to take place? Matchmaking is dealing with changes in behavior and thought process daily.HMMMMMMMMM which way is the wind blowing today and many times I am in the bunker as the bombs are flying in my direction.I try to diffuse the behavior and sometimes wildcats can be tamed other times I must put the hard hat on and duck.
Let's be clear Anxiety and depression or occasional misbehavioral outbursts are the easier to deal with.Defined mental illness diagnosed is much harder.
If you embrace matchmaking you must define love and what it means. Yes I think it is safe to say you want to fall in love and be wonderful and nice, sweet feeling individuals.Is romance a myth? I doubt it and it has serious psychological ramifications.Your ego must be thrown out and your insight taking it's place.Their is no room for the narcissist in a healthy relationship.Do you think as a dependent.Co dependency is unhealthy. The capability of self sacrifice, honesty, caring, compassion is your salvation and where there is salvation there is love.
Here are the following healthy behaviors in dating and relationships.
1 Giving positive attention to your partner.
2 Allowing independence not controlling someone.
3 Sense of committment.
4 Discipline.
5 Creative mystery.
6 Playfullness.
7 Caring.
8 Intelligence.
Please try to be well, stop blaming everyone else in your life about your problems.Stop playing controlling destructive games.If you have symptoms of mental illness get help.Therapy and medication might work. Stop struggling to gain your level of maturity. Learning about you as a dating prospect takes courage it is seldom a brief process it is an ongoing evolutionary process. Is the process often filled with drama, yes it is.Dating has drama. The achievement of clarity is what you look for.Clarity is what I intend to reach with you.Please dont enter this process in denial.Confusion, high anxiety, depression, mental illness must be dealt with before you enter matchmaking, dating and relationship development.
Am I going to heal you, absolutely not.I am here to understand you, work with you and yes sometimes tell you what you dont want to hear so you can succeed.I hope you are well and not engaging in destructive behavior with each other. I hope your fearless and not fearful. I hope you are understanding the serious responsibility of knowing who you are.
John Holt
Matchmaker