Posted by John Holt on Fri, Aug 28, 2009 @ 08:33 AM
I can always rely on a well known fact.Shortly after labor day and up until thanksgiving there will be alot of single people concerned about meeting someone.Why, because no one wants to be alone for the holidays.The truth is, if you really wanted to achieve this you would have started the search in july.August by the way has been a big month at tri-state dating service.I know september will be bigger as september always is bigger than august.I personally believe that summer is the best time for social activity in new england and new york.
Singles and most anyone socialize to enjoy life.Socialization is the cornerstone of our psychological well being.The season coming is crucial for finding that 90 day interest in your life.Remember me saying this to you.The fall sports seasons, tailgating parties, foliage trips, wow imagine upstate N.Y V.T and the berkshires in the fall.What about the fairs and festivals.This is the time, no more guesswork it's time to connect.Should you be someone alone on december 1st? I hope not.This summer was past moderately busy so the fall should be off the charts.The tri- state dating service bandwagon is everywhere you are so join others in search for each other.Your in control of what you do.
I am your advisor, friend, matchmaker, social director and headhunter all in one.Did the C.T contingent know that enrollment has exploded in your state this year.N.Y AND V.T are coming on.I can say with great confidence that massachusetts is steadier than ever.Rhode Island it's time to wake up! I will say that in the past 2 weeks I got some good members from R.I.
Here is what I look for in single people.
1 Deepness not superficiality.
2 The ability to express yourself to the opposite sex.
3 Willingness to follow through with dates.Please be action oriented.
4 Positive self confidence.
5 Realistic thinking.
Chemistry is achieved when you make yourself available over and over again.Timing is everything in matchmaking and I recognize that.Get into the dating mode.Allow yourself to network with singles.The prescription for success is in the aesthetic beauty of autumn, the social activities of the season combined with romance.Time will be crucial, so I hope you will be counted in the many who sign up in the next 8 weeks.
John Holt
A matchmaker who can't wait to awaken your spirit!
Posted by John Holt on Wed, Aug 26, 2009 @ 09:21 AM
Hi everyone, many of you look for full protection against unsavory people when you use either a matchmaker or a dating website.Total security for woman is a top issue.Privacy for both men and woman is key.I ask do you really want yourself splashed all over the internet by people you don't even know or can't meet in person.Online dating is a fad that is loosing popularity because let's face it your more selective than ever before.A matchmaker is skilled at working on that aspect of you.I understand that you wish to be safe, insulated from fraud, deceit, liars, predators and the like.A matchmaker is the gate keeper, online sites choose not to know who is on them.
Did you know that online dating sites have lost 18% of their market share since 2005.Why, because 40% of the people who use them lie about themselves, decieve one another, play childish duck dodge and hide games.These websites become a candy store with the grass is greener on the other side of the next e mail theory, forcing huge competition and keeping people from focussing in on potential.The internet is addictive just like cell phones with texting.These are market schemes that keep you thirsty for more.A professional matchmaker is truly there to help you become permanently attached, so if you are not shallow and suffering from peter pan syndrome then hiring a matchmaker is better.If you are just looking for games with no end to them continue online.
My region is C.T , M.A, R.I, 3 sections of N.Y and southern V.T This is a reasonable span of territory to find someone in.
It's time to buckle down in the dating world.This means singles must become more acceptable to each other and services must become more understanding of the complexities of todays single person.If your goal is the happier ever after scenario then going to a matchmaker that makes sense of you and your goal is more valuable then getting lost in cyber space as if you were the family robinson looking for earth.Remember that show where the robot flailed away yelling " danger danger" he wasn't kidding and either am I. I am in my 18 th year as a professional matchmaker.My experience is vast, my research is immense and I know the landscape for singles all over C.T , MA, R.I, N.Y and V.T I am the shelter from the internet storm.When you deal with realistic matchmaking as a brand you are dealing with me John Holt of tri-state dating service.I am not a catalog online I am real and full of energy.I seek to help you be finished with this dating merry go round.I am not here to keep you chasing forever.I deal with real people not fake profiles.I guarantee the amount of people you meet in person.On the internet you only rent space by the month and if you don't meet anyone that is too bad you pay again and again!
I recognize that all human beings must develop open communication, in person not behind a screen and keyboard.It only happens in person.Talking to one another and connecting ones feelings is the ultimate pathway to realistic long lasting relationships.
You wont loose any more sleep if you give up your internet addiction to misery.Are you tired of dating your computer mouse? Then call me at 800-252-6210 I am not afraid to discuss the truth with you.The realistic approach is best.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Thu, Aug 20, 2009 @ 09:36 AM
Todays question to you is about perception.In dating and the matchmaking business perception can wreak havoc. I try to be no nonsense in my approach, however the fact of the matter is that pre concieved notions blended with skepticism create perceptions.For instance what about woman who hear 3 or less descriptions of men or go out on 1 or 2 dates then place their file on hold because it isn't worth it to them to go further.The perception now is, the service doesn't have what I want, then they go on to the next place chasing a dream. What might happen is that on the 6th person or the 60th person you might hit it right, however you allowed perception to sabotage you again.
Being practical means wiping the slate clean each time you venture out and giving every chance that the next one is the right person for you.Going on pre concieved notions get's you nowhere fast, believe me.I see singles who do this all the time.In search of magic.There is nothing mystical about matchmaking.A good matchmaker understands the psychology of the client.Personalities, perceptions, idealism, skepticism about the opposite sex and trust issues. In todays perceptually challenged world we must become functional and at the root of this many come from dysfunctional relationships with distorted sense.If your senses are distorted then how can you move forward.This serves to cloud your judgement.It takes a strong person to rise beyond perception to reality. Coming to grips with trusting someone, leaving the fears your perception dictates to you to face reality is difficult.
My proven technique for this is to agree to see all opportunities as a possible success, to believe you are close.How you do this is to convince yourself that an open mind can find the reality, perception can be too often based on previous feelings and experiences.Those experiences may have been dysfunctional.I ask you what good came from dysfunctional relationships? Do you search for a lifetime of satisfaction looking through a jaded prism? If you do, then you have perceptual difficulties that cause you time and time again failure.Let me reinforce the idea that the non judgemental open mind can formulate better than the jaded perceptual mind that has issues from the past.
Her are some things to work on.
1 Trust, If you have trouble trusting people then stay home, lock the doors and remain alone.While alone then ask yourself if you can trust your own judgement.
2 False perception based on previous experiences, afterall if you couldn't trust others in the past it must be safe not to trust anyone in the future.Thinking that everyone can't be trusted will somehow allow you a relationship, whats wrong with that?
3 Thinking that someone will let you down creates a let down, why? Because your mindset sabotages you to think this is an automatic.
4 Fear, this plays a big role.Perceptions breed fear and many times have little to do with reality.
5 Stringent standards, setting the bar to high so barely anyone fits is a delusion created by perception of a created image in your mind.This is quite often unrealistic.
6 Compromising can be a cornerstone in a relationship if you percieve things as exactly your way and no other way then failure to formulate a connection is the result.
Have faith in me as a matchmaker.I see many aspects.In my vision to help you today I see that your perception must be converted to reality.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Mon, Aug 17, 2009 @ 10:01 AM
Hi everyone, This is so difficult. In the matchmaking business a matchmaker sometimes get's blamed for what isn't happening for the client.It is a very uncomfortable feeling that overcomes you when your not succeeding at dating.Instead of looking inward at your expectations you lash out at everyone else.It is too easy to blame someone else when your not meeting the people you want.Quite often it is due to the fact that your unrealistic or your doing things that wont attract someone.Life is complicated so let's break this down.
Chemistry is an intangible.I as a matchmaker try to visualize 2 people in a possible moment of chemistry.How do I do this? I have met both parties and based on intuition can make a responsible judgement for the belief that these 2 might have chemistry based on the way I saw them at an interview.Now if chemistry didn't ignite both of you, who do you blame, sometimes the matchmaker.Oh well it goes with the territory.
I have heard alot in my time.Here are some common issues.
1 Stress related behavior from current life occurances.Life isn't smooth as silk as a matter of fact their is a tremendous amount of unhealthy anxiety surrounding life these days.Stress causes many times for you to project your feelings at someone else.I see it all the time.Men and woman so stressed out that they lash out and blame their problems on everyone else.If you are not able to function in life without looking at who you are inside you can't blame anyone else for your problems.Remember this stress unchecked can result in mental illness issues.
2 Geographical displacement, This is a prominent one these days.I have all of c.t mass. r.i half of v.t and 3 sections of n.y, usually a person should give me 2 hours of territory to cover, usually it is 90 minutes, lately it is "John you better find my dreamdate in less than 20 miles."While all the time being so overly selective as to rule out many. Then blame the matchmaker because unrealistic expectations cant be met in 20 miles or less from your home and maybe their are 20 candidates 1-2 hours away.
3 Waiting to meet the right person. Could I be kidding to suggest it.Remember my blog post article about " Singles Want What They Want and Fast" It has never been more true.I get calls all the time about speeding things up.Fast and right are 2 different things my friends.It makes you look desperate.
4 It is my ex wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriends fault. Everything in that previous relationship was their fault and get ready if you meet someone like this as you will be the next scapegoat.Comprehensive therapy is the only cure for this, relationships have problems and if you believe that it doesn't take 2 that have problems then you must begin to learn that you are playing the blame game.I always respect the single/ divorced person who shares in the blame for relationship failure.Life happens and emotions get in the way.
5 Failure to embrace the dating process.If you are a doomsday forecaster then most assuredly doomsday will arive. You must embrace a matchmakers idea as something to try. If you say no to many options nothing will happen.The dating process is to meet people and yes sometimes at your inconvienience.You could watch life pass you by.You will have good times and yes you will have bad times .If you close yourself in you will be alone for a long time.
6 False image of yourself.Remember me writing about self awareness? Everyone must know who they are and who they can be with.The ultimate test of success is to know who you are and who you can be with.In depth analysis of this will breed success, failure to understand this is a prescription for failure.
7 Dealing with rejection and moving on.This is essential in moving in the right direction.Understand that rejection is all a part of dating and life, we must deal with it.Lashing out at others and blaming those around you for it is toxic.
Please remember this, any professional is there to help you and advice given is in your best interest, blaming those hired to help you when you are inflexible and engaging in behavior that is listed above while never looking inward is wrong.It is too easy to blame others for your failures or lack of success.
Remember this , if you agree to meet 50% of the available dating pool, agree to travel a bit farther for the right person, have an open mind, be accepting, positive easy to get along with type, you will succeed.If you blame everyone including the matchmaker and get overly emotional about it you will fail everytime.It is in your control and you are responsible for this.
John Holt
Insightful Matchmaking
Posted by John Holt on Sun, Aug 16, 2009 @ 09:46 AM
It's a lovely day if you like sunshine and heat. It is often beguiling to singles an elusive path to getting 100% of what they want, it often continues frustration and dismay.I try hard to give the best advice, however some of you are your own worse enemies. Pleasing you just would be unrealistic. Here are some essentials for all of you to take a look at. Now settle and see what happens.
What people look like is not the key to anything meaningful.This must have hit 80 % of the folks reading this. What about adorable, lovable, huggable types.You might have something there.Matchmaking is not magic. I tend to be a great advisor to the pathway of realistic success. Let's face it you don't hook mr. right or ms. right unless you have what it takes.If you don't have what it takes for them, then look at other people who think your the one.Try to understand them, spend quality time with them. I have charm, realism, practical thinking on my side, not a magic wand! I challenge and invite you into my world.I strive to take you off the dating merry go round.
Being prepared for dating is an essential. Start with being genuine, they like you for you much better.An act is for broadway not dating. If any of you feel dating is not a game, then your fooling yourself.I hear " I am so tired of the games" Dating is a game. In the dating game search out the most sincere people. Look for the realism in who they are. Watch there honesty.Test the level of commitment. Make a full effort to look at these important aspects, because half heartedness does not equal due diligence. Along the way try not to get too intense, be lighthearted dont take it all too seriously.
Having yourself prepared is half the battle.Here are some suggestions.
1 Look your best for each date.
2 Be true to life in your conversations, nothing worse than a phony.
3 Get into the best physical shape possible.
4 Be realistic about who you can be with.
5 Devolop confidence.
6 Be positive.
Joining my service will enhance you as I the matchmaker will help you navigate through the dating game. I will help you realistically approach compatibility.I hope to boost your spirit, educate you and inspire you realistically. I want to help you to have actual experiences.
Start to think what your dating goals are. What about marriage, long term relationships. Ask why am I dating. Tell the truth to yourself, face the truth about dating, have ownership of your goals, have vision about the future. Be honest with all you date.Look for those with similiar goals.Choose those people you can date not a fairytale that cant come true. Your chances of dating a fairytale are so slim it defies any logic for 96% of you. This fact has stood the test of time.
Dating is an ongoing process it is not magic. If you have 5 failures in a row take a month off and come back with a new strategy.When you run repeatedly into a cement wall the wall always wins. Plan a strategy to fly over the wall.This often means soul searching, yes this means perhaps it might be your fault and no one elses. Remember confidence and optomism is an essential.
Another essential is enjoying dating, having fun, spending fun time together, laughing, stimulating the senses. Engaging in stimulating others.Find out just how interesting people can be. I bet in the next 50 people you meet there is a fabulous 1 in that bunch.
What about mystery, yes mystery.A thrilling enigma of a person with a little mystery is attractive, exciting, woman like excitement. Dont peak too early, leave some mystery, give them a reason to want you to come back.
Finally remember this.Can you be any of the following?
1 Soothing and feeling.
2 Cheerful.
3 Peaceful.
4 Down to earth.
5 Realistic.
6 Relaxed.
7 At ease.
8 Friendly.
9 Fun.
10 enthusiastic.
If you can be like this and follow my essentials above then maybe realistic success is close by or would you rather chase fairytales like the cat chasing his tail.I guess you get to think it over.
Thoughtful , essential, provocative and realistic thinking from me.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Sat, Aug 15, 2009 @ 07:34 AM
Most employers find themselves dealing with workplace romances one time or another.When you date, fall in love with someone you work with you run the risk of a messy breakup.When you have a messy breakup you still must work with that person. Workplace relationships get in the way of productivity.I highly recommend that you do not date people you work with. You could open yourself up for job termination, sexual harrassment accusations and unpleasent behavior directed at you on the job.Another consideration is the gossip that you will be subject to.
Most companies have human resources policies, get familiar with them if you date on the job. Utilize methods of meeting people outside work.I reccomend all employers have clearly defined policies to deal with workplace romance. It should never be irresitable to date co workers, afterall dating is after work and work is for doing your job.Remember there can be career repurcusions that follow you when you date co workers.Everyone in the office are sensitive to the relationship, be careful, it becomes the focus rather than the job.Other employees can feel any tension that arises. Besides that who wants to watch this unfold at work.If a breakup occurs then a hostile envirnment is created.Employers can get sued over hostile envirnments created by sexual harrassment.
Dating between supervisor and subordinate is particularly toxic. The other employees will be keeping a scorecard of favoritism and will file grievences against the parties involved.Such workplace romances breed jealousy and resentment from co workers. Satisfy yourself outside of work. Avoid the allure at work and seek dating outside of work.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Wed, Aug 12, 2009 @ 10:30 AM
Hi everyone, do you quite often wonder why the process of dating is challenging?Take a giant step forward into this article.
Dating is not a process that is matter of fact, their are a million variables that go into searching and accepting people for dating. In my opinion you would be doing something extrodinary if you were accepting of 50% of the dating pool available and did you know that 95% of the woman are seeking only 5% of the men.This is true.It shouldn't be that way. I often discuss on my radio show solid Sam, the man who is nice, respectful, tells the truth, loyal, decent job and will treat you well, however he isn't exciting, wealthy, charming, entertaining and charismatic.I draw this picture in your mind to get you to think.On the other hand not all woman are under 130 lbs. with long flowing hair, cute and gorgeous, so what about plain Jane with a great personality, solid history and alot of fun to be with.
Discovery takes great courage to look at what you are doing.Ladies you need to look at 45% more than you allow yourself to. Men stop the visual non sense and look at who these woman are.
Exploration to areas perhaps 2-3 hours away to meet people can produce results that you were closed about, closing your mind to geographical constraints can keep you single longer. Meet people halfway, dont close yourself to this idea.
Learning as much about people before dismissing them is giving a chance that might succeed for you.Sample the people out there, talk to them, see what makes them who they are. Discovery is fun not tedious, treat it as such.Say " yes" to meeting people not no. Capture moments that lead to other moments, face the challenge.If your seriously interested in meeting the right person accept the challenge.
The challenge is you, yes you! Make a list of how many walls you put up to rule people out, if that list excludes more than 50% of the available pool then you are the challenge, this is the challenge from deep within your perceptual mind.This battle is with yourself.I know you often tell me you wont settle, well who do you think you are? Have you looked deeply inside of you, then tell yourself am I really better than anyone else.
Do you accept my premise in this article? I am challenging you. My challenge is based on sincerity, acceptance, openess, these are the basis for meeting my challenge to you.Matching you will then be successful if you understand this article or you can continue your inner struggle making you the challenge in the process.Delve into yourself and meditate about acceptance.
John Holt
Matchmaker with insight.
Posted by John Holt on Wed, Aug 05, 2009 @ 02:03 PM
Compatibility is the cornerstone of a matchmakers business.The matchmaker must understand this concept inside out.Compatibility means longevity in relationships.Do you understand the true meaning of compatibility? Some theories say there is scientific approaches to detirmine compatibility as if brain chemistry dictates who you will be attracted to or not.
Here is what I think detirmines compatibility.
1 Generational connection, being with people within 10 years of your own age, for men older than 55 sorry but the young woman you desire and chase have nothing in common with you.
2 Ability to connect and communicate on a deep level.
3 Emotional Temperament.This is the core of how you feel about yourself and others. You will be percieved on your emotional feelings.
4 The ability to define who is special in your life and why.
5 Self awareness, can you really tell me in defineable terms who you are and who you can actually be with.
6 occupational connection.Not always a big factor, however many people who work in similiar professions tend to relate better.
7 Cognitive reasoning, can you reason and solve problems similiar, using same reasoning powers.
8 Emotional demeanor, how do you project yourself in front of others.
9 Cultural and ethnic similarities, differing cultures can cause compatibility to suffer.You must be insync with a culture and believe in it's principles.
10 How you treat and handle success, are you inclusive or self centered.
11 Passion do you have any or the same level as your match.
12 Religous or non religous viewpoint, this can be a lightning rod, afterall we cant see a born again christain with an atheist can we?
13 Romance Are you a romantic at heart if so you must be with one.
14 Personal habits. You likely will not tolerate for long a persons differing personal habits, especially smokers with non smokers.
15 Friendly nature or too serious, you must be one or the other, identifying this can help you be matched right.
16 Family orientation, if you are strong in family ties you should be with similiar.
17 Social activity, you must be on a similiar level of comfort with the amount of social activity each of you participate in.Acting in those situations will make you compatible or not.The one that shrinks into the back of the gathering should not be matched with the social butterfly.
18 Social routines, do they match as to exactly where you socialize or not.
19 Values, especially if you want to raise children together, you must have similiar values.
20 Physical attractiveness, you should like looking at each other, although this is only aesthetic.
21 Moral character, are you a responsible person with morals or more loose with that.
22 Musical listening habits, music is in everybodies life it makes no sense for the lovers of classical to get together with the lovers of rap.
23 Civic concerns.If you are a community person you wont make it with a recluse.
24 Adaptability, can you be flexible? Without flexibility a relationship is doomed.
25 Sexuality, are you sexual and more importantly are insync in the bedroom? Can you connect and please your partner or are you different in the bedroom.
26 Activities, are you interested in doing many of the same things together, afterall togetherness is what a relationship is.
27 Do you like to travel to similiar places, if not then be prepared for seperate vacations.
28 Intellect Can you get deep in conversation about subject matter with your partner.
29 Poltical beliefs, can a liberal really be with a conservative?
30 Curiosity, can you stimulate each others curiosity about each other?
31 Common goals in life.You must have them the same in order to work on reaching them.
32 Sense of humor, if you have it and your potential match does not, well it wont go well.Humor attracts the receptive not the stoic.
33 Analytical thinking, an analytical mind will drive a non analytical mind crazy.
34 Dependability vs. non dependabilty a bad match for the dependable one.
35 Financial management skills, anything in this area that differs and you will have plenty of arguements.
36 creativity, being creative vs. non creative stifles the creative one.
37 Organizational skills, are they the same or are you disorganized. Those 2 are mismatches.
38 Energy level must be the same.
39 Psychological mood, how do you function psychologically?
40 Stress management, how do you handle stress and how are you percieved in stressful times.Can you laugh in the middle of the storm or do you fall apart?
After reading this are you ready for your soulmate? Forget everything you always thought and think deeper into the 40 items I listed.You can organize your life to be compatible with those that are the principles above.Within 30 days from meeting me your matchmaker you could be launching a successful compatible relationship.Think alot about realistic compatibility.Your the kind of person I want at tri-state dating service, a realistic thinker.A thinker who understands compatibility not an aimless dater with no substance.Your in for a pleasant surprise when you think, when your compatible, stop chasing visual and start embracing compatible.If compatibility is your passion and matchmaking is mine then let's get together.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Tue, Aug 04, 2009 @ 07:55 PM
The fun begins when you first date someone, perhaps it is intensity, anxiety, whatever it is it will require patience.Instant results are the exception to the rule.I believe in perserverence and patience.If your desire is a soulmate a love of your life partner or just to meet potential dates remember it is important to assess completely the person you meet, give them a chance. The smart choices are those you can connect and communicate with best.Don't get stuck chasing false dreams.Date for reality.When you want to date too much you press and fail, take your time enjoy the other person as if you were sipping a fine wine.A desperate person will not attract quality.Desperation is born out of fear of being alone.
Lonliness can be a feeling of the past if you appear calm and really want to meet and enjoy the other person.Just be enjoyable, do enjoyable activities.Pay attention to the person you are with, enjoy them.
Dating should not be despair it should be fun.Dating is for learning and exploring.Utilize your single time to fine tune who you are.Enjoy your dates and your life.It is precious to be alive, show it.
When dating make sure you take care of yourself psychologically and physiologically.Participate in activities that make you well in mind and body while getting to know your dating partner.
Enjoy the moments of life, laugh, flirt be playful.You should be fun to be with.Remember if your a bright light you will shine on many.Take chances, talk to who your attracted to, let them know your the one that shines.Remember as you are viewed as pleasant preffered company your days and weekends are filled with connection.
Singles take the time to get to know who you are and accept many into your circle, from that you will find the one.The only way is the bright way, positive attitude, sunny disposition, accepting attitude, so flirt, talk, smile, love life.When you love life it loves you back.Say yes to acceptance of people.I just enjoy to no end thinking you will follow my advice.I just can't wait until you tell me how happy you are.My job is to spread love, advice, fun, charm, essence and positive attitude all over the place, can you feel my energy, can you love your life? Should you accept my philosophy you will be a bright beacon of attractiveness.Remember be patient and have fun along the way.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Mon, Aug 03, 2009 @ 08:12 AM
Hi everyone, Do you just dread mingling with people who you never met before? I think it is the land of opportunity.Before you venture out, take stock in your public image.Picking out the right clothing to wear and the right words to use when meeting someone has all to do with first impressions.Sometimes you get 10 minutes if your lucky to make an impression that will allow you to stay longer.
Try not to have lingering moments of self doubt about yourself and remember confidence is attractive, arrogance is repulsive.
If you know how to be trendy then you will project your image as a person who feels good about themselves, this makes you more magnetic.
Proper social ettiquette such as non verbal body language which communicates your demeanor and the ability to be appropriately flirtatious can help you succeed.Everyones main concern is to build up to that all important conversation.In that conversation stay focused on your abilities, interests and entertain, dont engage in talking about your dating past, stay clear of discussing your ex.Always ask the other person about them.When you ask someone about them, show interest. Eliminating any negativity in your approach will go a long way.
Singles it's the summer a great time to mingle!