Posted by John Holt on Fri, Jul 31, 2009 @ 11:47 AM
Hi everyone, I just had to talk about this.They don't call me a realistic matchmaker for nothing.I wanted to talk about the reality of picture swapping.This is the practice I call catalog shopping for your next date.I know your all saying " I have to be physically attracted to go out with someone". My expertise has been that defining looks over substance is foolish.What someone looks like will never be for you the substance of a relationship. I can also tell you many people cut corners when choosing a picture for you to see, or they dont use a picture that makes them look as good as they actually do in person, so catalog shoppers superficial goals are indeed shallow.More fish swim in deeper ponds.
It really takes a talented personality to hang in with someone for awhile.Stop and think did you choose your best friend based on looks? How did they become your best friend? You get hooked on the opposite sex based on substantial connection.
The winners in the dating world are not always the best looking.The better looking they are the more difficult and picky they get.It's easy to see if you search for true meaning.There's no substitute for a great personality.Looking for dependability is wise.
Do you want a lasting relationship? Coming to see me will help.If you want a superficial relationship with no meaning look at pictures at online sites and go through the games that go along with it, you all know what I mean if you use those sites, or maybe you want one real fine lady or gentleman here at tri-state.12% success online sites 21% married at tri-state.I hope to hear from you soon.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Wed, Jul 29, 2009 @ 12:25 PM
Hi Ladies Did you know your more interested in pursuing relationships these days than men, if your a man take notice of this.Men have it made in dating if they have the right stuff.
Here are some dating tips for woman.
1 Create balance in your schedule to make yourself more available to men, this will give you an edge in meeting men.
2 Please don't send confusing signals to men about your intentions, be nice, direct and don't play games.
3 Don't engage in evasive behavior, men will only chase so long before it then becomes so long to you.
4 Understanding that men are visual, looking for younger woman, expecting the truth will go a long way toward that long term relationship.
5 Mental stability is very important to men, if your life is in emotional upheaval and constant drama you will likely get rejected.
6 Make sure your communication skills are clear, friendly, inviting and concise.
7 Know what attracts men and try to put yourself out there, be effective and attract men, if you dress sharp you probably will catch attention.
8 Avoid serial daters who make a career out of dating, no committment will ever come of it.
9 Find out about a man's opinion about mutual trust, respect shared values.
10 Go for the man with the best personality, this will go much farther than superficial looks.
11 Understand and learn from past relationships so you don't repeat mistakes on who you choose in the future.
Follow these tips and it will lead to greater intimacy and successful relationships.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Tue, Jul 28, 2009 @ 09:44 AM
Isn't it often that you think "oh my will I ever survive dating in the year 2009.If you have a gorgeous smile and you light up a room you may be on your way to dating success.I am here today to tell you many things that will help you survive in the dating world.
Living with positive personality daily will help you build the foundation. A magnificent personality is the key to survival and acceptance. Examine as many options for developing a strategy to meet people.Taking as many routes to get to the finish line is my advice. The person who takes many avenues will likely survive and no longer will need to worry about dating to meet people.Here are some positive avenues.
1 Find at least 5 social places where singles you want to meet congregate and go there and start meeting people.When you are there make it a point to talk to at least 10 members of the opposite sex, ask out at least 1.
2 Join organizations that appeal to you.Once you are there begin connecting with people.
3 Hire a professional matchmaker who will match you with compatible singles.
4 Attend events specifically advertised for singles, once again talk to 10 members of the opposite sex and ask out at least 1.
5 Coed sports. If you like to play sports this is a very fun way to meet other singles.Look for who is available and start to flirt and connect.
6 Singles travel tours are great ways to go on trips or vacation while meeting other members of the opposite sex.
These of course are my suggestions there are other ways.The point is get out there consistently, let everyone know your available.
If you are frustrated and traditional methods are not working , then try something new.The point is you must invest your energy, time and money into reaching your goal.If it is your soul mate you are to find then energy must be in that direction.
When trying to survive you must be prepared to understand that dating to find the one and only is difficult, time consuming and does not happen overnight.Alot of single people say they don't have time for the numbers game. I say make the time, put 100% effort into anything and usually you succeed.
Setting priorities to find the right relationship is the key to the journey.I believe you must have a core set of criteria that is moderately accepting, perhaps inclusive of 50% of all single people.When describing yourself to anyone be honest about your physical appearance while giving someone many reasons to meet you.Mystery in a small way will draw people to meet you, if not for any other reason but to satisfy a hunch. Once again as your realistic matchmaker be honest about who you are and who you can be with.
If your goal is to marry for superficial reasons or economic then you may end up in the divorce statistics.
In dating survival one must avoid depression.When you date numerous prospects you may feel hopeless to find someone right for you.The goal is to lighten up and be casual, stay clear of intensity it shows, you wear it on your exterior in the form of projected body language.Remaining optomistic in the face of negative energy is the key.Please understand in the next 10 minutes or the next 10 years or anywhere in between you will meet your serious relationship partner. 99.9% of all of you do, keep what I just wrote in your mind while your in pursuit.Remember this, your realistic matchmaker is here to tell you" It only takes one" Just one love of a lifetime, that's all. Avoid fear of rejection, embrace small failures as learning experiences and march toward your goal.When you least expect it you will meet your soul mate, the one and only.The drum roll will begin and you will be happy you put the work in.
Taking advantage of my advice will help you survive the dating world and if it is the dating merry go round you wish to leave get in touch with me.It isn't unfortunate to be single and looking, it is fun. Grab it by the horns and run with it.I hope I inspired you to move in a proactive way.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Sun, Jul 26, 2009 @ 07:58 AM
Hi everyone, Age plays a major role in dealing with singles for matchmaking.One thing that will never change for the majority of men is they seek out younger woman.This will always be an issue most woman fear and fight the idea of.The new trend these days which is prevalent is that many woman are choosing to find younger men or those that are closer to their age, so if all sides want youger then what do we do? Did the chicken come before the egg or the egg before the chicken. The youth movement in dating is alive and well.Ladies if your in your 50s your dealing with the male mid life crisis, those guys are often chasing woman 11-25 years younger and many of these men are in complete denial about meeting those expectations.5-10 years younger is attainable for them. Oh by the way every man and woman after 50 who call me always say they are younger for their age so therefore must date younger. The thing I always say to them is " Could anyone else be young for their age that is the same age or older" I find it amazing that only they could be young for there age.What about cougars? This is the new term to describe older woman who date much younger men. I feel that dating in a 10 year range from your own age whatever formula you use is appropriate.It could be 5 years older 5 younger 7 older 3 younger whatever it is it is a multiple of 10 anything else is a prescription for frustration.I think you relate best to your 10 year generational block and anything else is foolish.There are exceptions however hard to come by.A decision to be realistic brings you success. Ladies remember men are predisposed to look for younger woman, it wont change.Remember men, much younger woman than you, more than 10 years younger will not likely take you seriously.Senior citizens should date senior citizens, young people should date young people and middle aged people should date middle aged people.
John Holt
Sensible matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Mon, Jul 20, 2009 @ 08:19 AM
Hi everyone, did you ever wonder if the ideas you have about who you will end up with are attainable? I know your all getting out your I wont settle lists. The utilization of all avenues to find your dream is good on the one hand but is foolish on the other hand.Why you ask? After all your a great catch, right! Let's get perspective. Most people travel best in their own circles, so dating upward is not easy to do. High income bracket, well off people date high income well off people because they relate to their status level. Highly attractive men and woman from a looks perspective seek each other out.The beautiful people date the beautiful people, how many hollywood actors and actress' date other than themselves? The answer is very few. Celebrity attracts celebrity.You maybe out there chasing high aspirations and becoming frustrated at not reaching your futile goal.I see it all the time.This nonsense is fueled by illusions created in your mind by the media.
Pictures, did you ever understand that pictures dont talk to you, they never tell you who that person is. Some pictures dont even depict how well people look in person. I guess it is okay as long as they look attractive or are a mans idea of a 10 or a womans idea of tall, dark and handsome. Now if your a 5 how can you get mr. tall dark and handsome, many times you dont, only to chase the illusion.Men if your not highly successful, tall dark and handsome then is it realistic that the knockout is attainable? I hope I am causing you to think.I am the cloth of reality or many might think I am the damp cloth over your dreams.I know dreams are fun. I love walt disney world, anytime I go there I check reality at the gate for a world that is fun, wonderful, pleasing and a fairytale.It is great to just stay there all day and be mesmerized, be enchanted.
I think as a matchmaker my job is to help you succeed, because my dear friends, fairytales are not reality.I live in reality.I match people to who they can be with.Dreams dont come true for many. Media images warp the sense of what most people are like.Now you might be wondering am I telling you that you cant have who your looking for.I am telling you that unless you are similiar in stature you will most likely fail and I want you to succeed.I try hard to get you to understand who you are and who you can be with, so for the I wont settle crowd this is bitter medicine.
Here is my subscription.
1 Effective attraction, meaning that if your average Joe And Sally you should work on attracting each other. Identify with those you are like and use your skills to attract them.I once had a member from quincy mass. who dated average looking woman to slightly above, he knew where he belonged, guess what he met 16 woman from my service.The first one was 5 dates and done the second one was 2 dates and done the third one was 6 months together and done, the next 7 woman were all 5-10 dates then done.Number 11 was 90 days followed by a 10 month stay with number 12 number 13-15 several dates and done.He ended up married to number 16 What was successful was that he dated everyone of them more than once because he didn't shoot higher than he could attain.Self awareness combined with effective attraction skills.He appealed to woman who were average like him.
2 Reality based thinking on who ms./mr. wrong is.Some of the most successful, charming, fun, beautiful people can be the hardest to deal with in a relationship, so look intrinsically not superficial.
3 Avoid mythology such as the prince charming scenario, for many of you it is impossible.
4 Look for a mutual trust to build, look for loyalty, look for less complication.Look for stability.
5 Understand your dating and relationship history, learn from your success and repeat the success, cast away the behavior that sabotages you time and time again.
6 Seek intimacy with a feeling, interesting, personally engaging person it is much better than the image of a picture in your mind that never comes true.
Does love know humor, you bet.Laugh at yourself be lighthearted not overly intense.Love and relationships are a development of reality not a senseless superficial status oriented mission doomed to fail. It takes time to find a successful relationship.It is a journey.Run fast from dating services online or otherwise that promise you quck fixes.Come listen to me, let me take you on a journey and avoid a farce.
Instead of predicting pain from false image let me help you embrace yourself.If you cant be realistic and embrace the truth about who you are and who you can be with you will watch life pass you by.
Stop believeing what you see on sex and the city shows, it is fun to watch, it has little to do with reality. You can only be who you are and you should be with people like who you are. If you just be yourself then you wont worry about confidence.Ladies like confident men, it feels better in that frame of presence.
We all need social contact it makes us feel better.Intimacy forms from social contact.Your physical and mental health are affected by this. Longevity is an outcome.Sensuality with who you match with is achieved through confidence.Attaining a level of confidence is understanding who you can be with.
Chemistry is the free flowing of positive interaction and connection, looks are confused as chemistry.Instant physical attraction wears of, intrinsic connection is long lasting.
Your plan of action is to embrace the recipe for success instead of chasing media created false images.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Sat, Jul 18, 2009 @ 03:48 PM
Today I felt it was important to write about my authenticity as a realistic matchmaker, which means I am not a miracle worker.I feel that I John Holt professional matchmaker is here for one reason to find the right person for you not just anyone. I am indespensible to you if I can make that happen.I do it inexpensively. I am an influence on your life if you allow it to happen. I can help you break the failed strategies of your past if dating is not working for you.
My radio show networking singles was founded by me to inform you in an entertaining way.
There is no magic potion for finding someone, it starts with common sense.It begins with a journey into self awareness. There are no instant results, there cannot be false promises made by my company.The truth is the truth.Integrity guides the process. This is a process where people must excercise patience.An investment of your time allowing me to do the right thing and yes it takes time.This is my statement of what tri-state dating service is. The process of realistic matchmaking. I live by this statement of business authenticity, my brand is realistic matchmaking.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Wed, Jul 15, 2009 @ 11:45 AM
Let me tell you, if you want to have appeal flirting must be part of that combination of personality and attraction. Flirting is a fun way to let the opposite sex know your excited about them. It can make you more fun and attractive if you flirt with someone your interested in.If you have decided to meet someone in a public venue then a wink and a smile at just the right moment could get you in the door with someone.
Authentic gestures that mean your interested in someone sends body language like comunication to the one your interested in. It is totally awesome to know a fun person is looking at you with those flirtatious eyes, it is sort of a mysterious game that is fun if you let it be.
So what are the basics of flirting you ask. Flirting is picking out someone you want to know better and using body language to let them know you are interested, smiling, looking, leaning toward someone and winking, playful conversation and dropping subtle hints.Just in some cases during a conversation gently touching the other persons shoulder and smiling simultaneously. Is it bold to engage in this behavior? I say no, what do you really have to loose.However brief the actions are the message is sent, hopefully for a return invitation. So brighten up your delivery and flirt your way to the next date.
john Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Tue, Jul 14, 2009 @ 12:43 PM
Hi everyone. I am just writing about all the important issues on my mind today.If you wish somehow to be saved by forces beyond your control and mine you are on the wrong track.It is very simple, make yourself available. Schedule time to socialize, get together with the opposite sex for fun conversation.Choose a fun venue for doing that.
You can choose a matchmaker as well. I just can't wait to see who signs up at tri-state next it just continues to open up the possibilities.I have matching, social dinner parties, speed dating and dating searches.
Whatever it is you think you want to do, get out there and let the other side know your available.Choose your selected way of meeting people and put the time in.Set up your schedule to make room for opportunity.
Here is a goal for all of you. Try to talk to at least 50 people a week of the opposite sex, you should get at least 4 dates from that.Who knows , your relationship just might be one of them.Keep an open mind, go out with people at least 4 times if there is any appeal.Should you find some common ground then explore the common ground. You can have interesting meetings, informative meetings, fun dates, dating friends, just friends, companions, activity partners, meaningful dates and yes perhaps the relationship of a lifetime.Remember proactivity and simply letting people know you are available, yes you a desireable ,available, interesting, confident, fun to be with loveable human being.Now isn't that you I described.I BET IT IS!
Just some inspiration from your matchmaker.
John Holt
Posted by John Holt on Tue, Jul 14, 2009 @ 10:01 AM
Hi everyone Did you know that many singles engage in self sabotaging behavior.Thats right! The possibility of having an expedited romance is quite often your own fault as you delay, stall and think of many reasons why the person you met doesn't fit.Then you engage in many negative or ambivalent games that drive someone away.Here are some of the most common self sabotaging behaviors that keep you single.
1 Engaging in a self pity party, complaining about and trying to get the opposite sex to be sympathetic when all you succeed in doing is to be looked at as pathetic.
2 Talking about your ex on date after date.This will ensure no 2nd date.
3 Depressed demeanor, no one wishes to be near negativity and depressed people.If you need help with depression seek out a mental health counselor.
4 Pessimistic thinking, this will lead you nowhere fast as your skepticism will keep you from optomism, afterall if you think pessimistic then you will convince yourself away from being open and become closed.
5 Lack of a sense of humor, lets face it laughing and smiling are more attractive than frowning.
6 Banishing your potential date to e mail prison.Trying to get to know someone is one thing, however e mailing for days and months is another, you will seek to frustrate potential away from you.
7 Having a list of who you wont date that is too much longer than who you will date is a self sabotaging sure thing.You will be single for years and decades if your too picky.
8 Making too many excuses not to be proactive about dating while the parade of people in your life marches by, while all the time you sit on the sidelines.This makes you successful at watching life pass you by not entering into a relationship.
9 Fearing rejection If you are the predictor of your own pain then you will never embrace the dating process.
10 Closing your mind to the possibilities, this will shrink your opportunities.
11 Telephone games! The man stalls to make the call.Men if you dont call in 48 hours you run the risk of being percieved as not really interested.Woman if you dont return telephone calls and play let's see how long he will chase me, then he will move on.
In conclusion I as a matchmaker often hear singles complain about no one is out there for them.There are many out there.52% of the country is single, making yourself available means don
Posted by John Holt on Sun, Jul 12, 2009 @ 07:50 AM
One of the biggest issues in dating today is acceptance vs. rejection.Everyone fears rejection, it is never pleasant. Single people actively looking are trying to accelerate meeting exactly who they want.This often means that the level of acceptance consists of 5% of the available dating pool.Leaving 95% of the pool as unacceptable.Guess what, you know know why many stay single for many years in utter frustration.They are often heard saying things like" There is no one for me" when in fact there are many.
I guess what bothers me as a matchmaker is that many singles have distorted sense for who they actually can be with.Did you know that 21% of the thousands of people I have served are married through tri-state dating service.It wasn't easy for many of them because their is no magic fix.Some of them were with me for 5 years . It doesn't happen overnight for everyone.I do have some overnight success stories however that is an exception to the rule.If you really want to achieve meeting people you must stop responding to the It's too good to be true sales pitches of online dating sites and services that make promises they can't keep.If you do business with me you must be patient and realistic, if you are then the road to acceptance is paved with good fortune.
Just more realism from
John Holt
matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Fri, Jul 10, 2009 @ 01:30 PM
Hi Massachusetts singles, how are you these days? I actually grew up in massachusetts. Tri-state Dating service has been serving mass. since 1992 During the last 17 years I have found some of the most interesting singles in massachusetts.
Building up areas in enrollment in mass. is a major goal of mine in the next 7 months. Forming more local attachments is always on the mind of single people, for instance did you know that bristol county mass. has a high male enrollment at tri-state. If your a senior citizen living on cape cod there are possibilities for you.Blackstone valley is an outstanding area for enrollment.Central mass. has always had big representation here at tri-state.It is more comforting to know you dont have to travel far for a meeting.
Now what about my friends in Boston and the suburbs? I really want to hear from you. There are some outstanding single people in those areas. People oriented types who are perceptive and know a good opportunity when they see it.
My committment to you and friendship will astound you as I match you with many others like you.The road to committment perhaps is paved through mass. How about springfield, another area that has thrived at tri-state.
The summer is here on old cape cod, what about romance.The italian festivals in the north end of boston, would be nice if you shared a walk through them with a date.I remember them well, the food is magnificent.Spending beach time in glouchester, or the shops in rockport. What about the berkshires, tanglewood.I bet dating in mass. is fantastic in the summer.We cant forget about the red sox. This year will be so exciting, maybe a potential date has tickets.
Whatever it is , remember deep friendship, romance and lasting love might be in mass. this summer.I bet there are many more intelligent people with common sense and good judgement just around the corner in mass. So mass. singles step up to the plate I am just ready to meet you and perhaps find you the summer romance.
Matchmaker
John Holt
Posted by John Holt on Thu, Jul 09, 2009 @ 09:00 PM
Hi single folks. I wish that I had a magic wand right next to my keyboard, it then would be so easy to make dreams come true.Imagine I could wave my wand and George Clooney would be there for all the woman or is it Brad Pitt? Mr. Perfect would be ready to go, and for you men a runway would magically appear with all the slender models walking down it right to your seat to visit you.
I know if I do the right thing fast it is so wonderful, the accolades just keep coming.If fast and right are not prevalent, well then watch out.
The most ambitious matchmaker can't move any faster than the client will allow it.The fact of the matter is rarely do things happen overnight, especially if your picky, yes picky, overly selective, ruling out many accepting few.Afterall you wont settle, right.
After thorough analysis takes place there is little room for many, yes tossed by the wayside.If you are a bright person you will seek out many to talk to.You will learn from many you speak to, you might have fun.People are fun if that is what you look for.
I am highly competent in helping singles with vision.Do you want to map out the future? Do you want a realistic relationship? I am confident that if you open yourself up to my methodology the reward is attainable.
In order to be in the visionary pathway you must be the following.
1 consistent with your goal.
2 confident in yourself.
3 Cooperative with your matchmaker.
4 Creative with your ideas.
5 Dedicated to meeting numerous singles.
6 Dependable in keeping your word.
7 Dynamic in personality.
8 Energetic.
9 Enthusiastic about life.
I love life it is so wonderful to be in it. I marvel at all the people I meet.I understand life and I view it as fun, eventful, meaningful.Relationships are treasures to be cherished.Making relationships out of matches are so much fun.
Just Your Fun Matchmaker
John Holt
Posted by John Holt on Wed, Jul 08, 2009 @ 10:18 PM
Is the dating scene cold and calculated? Are there too many players out there?The battle of the sexes these days are full of accusations and counter accusations about what I as a matchmaker see as negative perceptual influence.
Rejection is at the forefront. The fear of rejection freezes many from proactive interaction.
My mission as a matchmaker is to facilitate the happy ending, regardless of the nonsense that sometimes is called perception, which my friends has little to do with reality. Stonewalling behavior or passive agressive behavior is counterproductive and only masks rejection.
Much of the principles of my methodology are to find psychological matches, connection is at the center of the real match.If you are a person who needs connection, has a personality is the best friend type and can be viable as a socially acceptable person , you have what it takes for real meaningful relationships.
I accept different people and through my prism I can guide you to better days, however leave your bad ideas behind, truly embrace the opposite sex and take the journey into deep connection, anything else is superficial nonsense.
Looking Inward
Matchmaker/ John Holt
Posted by John Holt on Wed, Jul 08, 2009 @ 11:15 AM
Hi everyone, dating is a process which single people engage in to find a long satisfying relationship, yet divorce is at 55%.Many people rejoin the singles community after marriages of 10 , 20 and 30 plus years.When you get back in there are factors you must know about.
1 Having stringent criteria that rules out many possibilities means you will search longer and wait longer to find someone.
2 There are many unwritten rules of how to conduct yourself that will get more dates as opposed to less.
3 You must develop a style that the opposite sex enjoys being around.
4 You must develop connections and make time to engage in activity that is fun and meaningful.
5 Throw out ideas that are unrealistic, many people chase unrealistic people and end up getting rejected, unless you know who you can be with then you will be like a cat chasing his/her tail around.
6 Rank in order of importance what you want then identify who has those charecteristics.You must then decide those that are attainable to pursue.
7 Dont play controlling games with the opposite sex, controlling people are toxic and ruin your life.
The bigger picture is rejection and the fear it brings.A sequence of events that lead to rejection and desperation.If you must have dates constantly then throw out the criteria and go out with everyone.If you want a relationship with the right person then be patient.In the good old u.s.a consumers want things yesterday.In the real world of matchmaking, getting dates, attending events and so forth it takes time. There is no magic potion. Take a look at what you are doing and see if it works.Remember looks are superficial they tell you nothing about the person you really want.Money and power sometimes bring more trouble in your life than you want.
So what am I telling you today.I am telling you that patience and practical choices are the combination to success.I have alot of insight to share with people who want realism in dating.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Wed, Jul 01, 2009 @ 01:57 PM
Hi everyone! I founded Tri-State on 7/1/92 and I can hardly believe that I am entering year 18 in business.
I have had the good fortune to meet many fantastic people since 1992.Now more than ever I see my mission to match people realistically for long term relationships.I look at factors that will point to longevity in relationships. I must tell you that there is little room for dreams that cant come true, realism is the name of the game. Elaborate plans with no basis turn to frustration.
Regardless of who you are if you are realistic and nice, tri-state wants you!Think of the direction that best suits reality.My methods are not quick fixes, however my marriage rate is 21% Linking up with me might produce the long awaited result.It is futile to chase those you cant be with.
Bringing about change that will help you meet someone you can be with is the only practical goal.Inside everyone is the inner core of who you are that in the end matters, everything else is superficial. The right response from the opposite sex brings you to the finish line.
Going forward this year in realistic matchmaking makes me inspired to say " i AM THE MATCHMAKER OF AUTHENTICITY"
If you have appealing values, your not superficial, you want to change your life,your sincere and most of all fun to be with then I want you to come to tri-state.
Over the next 12 months I want to nurture matching solid thinking people with one another.The kind of people who do well here are the ones with the ability to connect on deeper levels
John Holt
Matchmaker