Posted by John Holt on Tue, Mar 23, 2010 @ 09:29 AM
Gretings from sanibel island Florida. Adjascent to sanibel island is a beautiful island called Captiva. I was sitting there in utter and complete joy thinking as I always do about singles, matchmaking, dating and other things.
The waters in the gulf of mexico are a beautiful blue and green so I thought about frustrations that encompass the world of singles, so much that now I will be writing a book about the amazing experience of being a matchmaker.I see things as grey not black and white, many single people see things cut and dried, good and bad, for me not for me, in a matter of minutes many of you make choices based on black and white issues, cut and dried.
Your searches are disney world like thinking, you cant make your life like disney world.Disney world is different place to visit and yes captiva is beautiful for vacation to fish to go to the beach, it isn't forever.
I have been talking to some of you while I am here in florida and still I hear black and white, cut and dried. I see people not getting chances because to many of you it is black and white. It isn't it is grey, somewhere in the middle is reality and my cause to get all of you to believe in realistic matchmaking is more resolute than ever, because life is complex and you can't make snap judgements and really know who your dealing with. Dealing with people takes time and many of you search for magic quick fixes, the greymatter is where so many millions of factors come into play, there is no room for desperation with the hope of magic taking place. Relationship building is grey not black and white, it is growing to know things over time. If you get rid of someone based on follish black and white rules you have then your anal and not deep. If your stuck on superficial looks, status, power and money then your empty and can't see what I am writing to you about.The ability for me to challenge your thought process means you get it and let me tell you that marketing in the dating business has clouded your mind, wasted your money so embrace my movement to reality because it is grey not black and white.
Things are never exactly as guided by jaded perception. Your ability to examine your failures will turn you into a successful dater leading to real relationships not perceptual , anal meetings where you judge people with a black and white, cut and dried checklist's of attributes that no one can possibly live up to.
In conclusion please understand that controlling behavior is black and white.Take a deep breathe and realize the greymatter and never attempt to control anyone from the opposite sex, understand that cut and dried is about your foolish idea of controlling someone. Never allow yourself to be manipulated because your a complex , pleasant person to get to know, not someone to be wrapped around someones finger to fit into a black and white list like a puppet on a string. Instead you will see the reality of taking time to see the grey in someone not the black and white. I know you only have an hour to give , right, so I ask you how many people did you really get to know in a snap judgement hour under your black and white list of perfection.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Sat, Mar 13, 2010 @ 02:38 PM
Hello from Port Charlotte Florida. I wanted to write about motivation today. Motivation is key to any successful occurence in dating, while the picture of swaying palm trees is currently motivating me.
Inspiring all singles to take a look at the realities of dating for the purposes of relationship building is key to the times we are in.When I travel I talk to people to get a finger on the pulse of where we are these days. I am troubled by the levels of stress, anxiety and disrespect I see everywhere.We have lost our way when we lose patience with lifes twists and turns. I love where I am right now and see my favorite aestetic natural beauty in the swaying palms.I would love to encourage all of you who read this to begin to think about direction in dating and where you wish to go in a relationship. It is highly principled in my beliefs for you to begin to transcend into a motivated realistic respectful person who will become close to someone soon, however if your a stressed out full of anxiety about not meeting someone meaningful just remember rome wasn't built in a day and perhaps swaying palms can calm your thought process or at least the thought. I am choosing to live in these moments to gain real life perspective.
My hope is that you rid your life of stress and anxiety and replace it with love, respect and acceptance. The times we are in create what is happening, unless you choose to let them. Getting rid of toxic behavior is one step in the right direction, will you allow me to change your dating pattern and your life forever or will you sabotage all that I know is positive for you. Well , back to the swaying palms in Port Charlotte. I will be thinking about you and what remains to be seen.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Wed, Mar 10, 2010 @ 10:51 AM
You see me talk, preach, promote and write about process.This you cant escape from.Singles try all the time to get quick fixes, they throw money at anything that suggests a quick fix. There are predators in the dating service business that bet on selling magic bullets to you with quick fix as the theme, you then loose money.I get in trouble because realistic matchmaking is a process that takes time. Timing is everything in realistic matchmaking. If you are thinking of becoming a future customer of mine please understand one very important thing, PATIENCE, because feeding frenzy behavior, quick fixes, rapid service where throwing people at you is a disservice, dating is about learning and having fun doing it so part of the process is to convince you to become more open about who you go out with. If your an overselective snob you rule too many people out and even though you blame the world around you for the lack of perfection your the one that needs to revise your acceptance level.
Here are some very process oriented things you will engage in if your associated with this matchmaker.
1 Discusion of how you view people and matches by way of feedback.Please be prepared to take a hard look at yourself.
2 Be prepared to take advice and to understand I care deeply about your success.
3 Understand that your requirements will be met over expansive time periods, this is not presto chango the magician dating service.
4 Understand to a certain degree the numbers game in dating, likely if you meet and date 50 people you will be in a permanent relationship.
5 Never assume things about members of the opposite sex, good, bad or indifferent.
6 Have reasonable expectations, if your not a supermodel how in the world can you think you will date one.
7 The best relationships aren't about glamour, being skinny and fabulous looks, they get divorced in hollywood all the time.
8 Communication of your satisfaction or dissatisfaction with this service appropriately is key to success, dont run around sniping and being destructive, take a look at you, is there anything you can do to help your own situation.This country we live in has created a victim mentality where it is never anyones fault.
9 Understand that no one is perfect.
10 Be willing and open to spread out, geographical dating is not the answer, compatibility is.
11 If you have psychological issues go to counseling and deal with them, face up to who you are.
12 Gain confidence, I will inspire you and motivate you if your positive.
13 Understand that my philosophy is based on the laws of attraction. You will attract like you.If your positive you attract positive if your toxic you attract misery.
14 Please excercise patience as this is a process.
15 Dont be a superficial narcissist this is not glamour land here, these are regular people average to above average people, what most people are like.
16 If you have habits such as smoking and those like it there will be less people interested, there will be people for you but less.
17 Eliteist behavior is widely discouraged by this matchmaker expect an arguement if your an eliteist.
18 Be ready to excercise and make yourself more appealing so you can be as attractive as possible.
19 Attempt to understand the opposite sex and be more open minded.
Now you must be ready to be interviewed about who you are and who you can be with. Then the process of choice begins. Please understand I will react to what you tell me to do.Control your anxiety or be willing to go out with everyone and anyone. This is not oz, alice in wonderland, magic kingdom, camelot, joe millionaire, dream world or prince charming and cinderella fairytale it is a real process with the reality of who you are and who you can be with, make no mistake about it.I will say this hundreds of times a day in every corner of my life until as many of you get it as possible.The end result is relief from your self induced frustration. I am not perfect and I expect you to admit that as well, if you cant accept advice, technical assistance that is process oriented and to be frankly honest with you are a spoiled brat crying all the time woe is me then you get what you deserve which is tough love, go to my media page and link to the article in rhode island monthly about tough love.It still is love it still means I care, but dont throw blame around the planet for your life it is your bed you made it and you lay in it. If you keep saying I can't, I wont, it is everyone elses fault you wont resolve anything.If your self image is low I will build you up and encourage you.Just follow me I have 18 years of experience in this business.I wont sugar coat things or placate you. I will work with you, follow up on things, you will know I care.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Tue, Mar 09, 2010 @ 04:57 PM
WOW I heard the financial news that consumers are spending again.At tri-state dating service they never stopped, you know why? Because of value, everyone knows a value purchase when they see one, every once in a while I run into some person who doesn't get it. Meeting the requirements of todays demanding singles is very difficult, this is why I am trying to change the culture of thinking. I branded this business realistic matchmaking, going out with Mr./ Ms. 80% will save you years of frustration. I see many of you in a frustrated state so why change the culture? Because many of you could remain alone, isolated and frustrated the rest of your life.
The tri-state dating service rally is now 15 months and running. The evaluation of this is mainly due to the following.
1 Affinity marketing from networking contacts.
2 Publicity, go to my media page on this site and see two stories about me that built alot of trust.
3 Networking singles radio show.
4 Attitude, when you call me you get upbeat interaction and realistic strategy.
5 Honesty in assessment of your situation.
6 Tireless promotion of this business and the branding mission , realistic matchmaking.
Folks if you need to grasp it and convert to it call me 800-252-6210 for a dose of reality. The design of my movement and the delivery of services combines a business model that breathes truth in a industry that runs away from it. I take this truth to meet you in person at a reasonable price. Everything that happens is personal so lay it on the line, many are doing that right now.My dedication is to provide you with realism then send you out with who you can succeed not a dream that escapes you regularly. I am converting the superficial into the realistic, looks are nice, they serve no purpose in a relationship.
Where is tri-state booming in this rally.
1 Northern R.I
2 Providence R.I
3 Kent county R.I
4 New london county C.T
5 Middlesex county C.T
6 Fairfield county C.T
7 Central C.T
8 Westchester county N.Y
9 Blackstone Valley M.A
10 Seekonk M.A
Who is growing this business in patronage.
1 Health care proffesionals from 35-68
2 Teachers from 25-60
3 Working class men and woman 45-60
4 Men and woman with phd,s and masters degrees from 42- 63
5 Urban city dwellers from 36- 63
6 Health concious men and woman from 32-70 who excercise and live clean lives they are the fastest growing segment of the population here at tri-state
7 Small business owners from 38- 56
8 Yonger woman from 30-35 especially in R.I
9 Cultural woman from 45-65
10 Large numbers of men and woman from 25-60 who got tired of dating there computer mouses, living in fear of deceit with online dating.They left online dating in large numbers.
This is fueling the rally, conversion of more and more people who get it.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Mon, Mar 08, 2010 @ 10:15 PM
Tri-state dating service under seige, matchmaker holt has his helmet on and is in the bunker. My god rejection is everywhere around him and desperate singles are after a match as if they were dogs fighting over their last piece of meet. The voice of reason rises above the rubble of dating anxiety destruction and bellows JUST BE HAPPY! CONTROL YOURSELF, GET A GRIP. Yes get a hold of who you are. Hold your position in life in tact, stay cool. In dating you can't be desperate or desperately seeking someone as your out of control. If your lonely the cure is to open up and just be with someone but not out of desperation my fine feathered friends, no not at all, you must be cool.Collect yourself.
Seriously 30% of my members are uncontrollable and what they get is the best available in order to preserve the sanctity of customer service, so the seige marches forward and the volley is fired, in the end I hold the fort down and get you foccussed. I still cater to your needs, however I deliver you from sabotage. I get you out of frustration carrying you kicking and screaming into the den of reality known as , yes you guessed it , realistic matchmaking. Prompt service is for people with wide parameters not being sucked into brainless chasing of those that will never go out with you. I hold up the mirror to your soul and show you the way from frustration, yes me the one who made 400 matches in one week yes me the one who tells it just like it is. I am guiding you and I just can't wait for your soul to be realistic and delight in the end of frustration forever.
It is feedback of the highest order, not for the weak not for the anxious not at all, damned be the narcissist who revels in superficiality and desperate for hollywood glamour images damn them, send them to counseling to straighten it out. Your desperation gets imediate attention only to match you with best available only, not exact and in many cases not close not at all other than placation until you become desperate again and push me to the wall but you end going toe to toe with the realistic matchmaker and I will prevail.
My goal for you is to get you feeling good about who you are not desperate and half crazed. To serve you best is to instill the hard truth and eliminate your frustration not to have ambiguos matches of placation but to have matches of timeless meaning. Let me plan and manage your matches not react to desperation. Let me conduct this symphony instead of anarchy with no direction. You can turn to me with confidence, I will build you up after tearing you down from desperate anxiety. I will rise from the rubble and conquer desperation and then you will be admired by someone who really wants you for who you are.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Sun, Mar 07, 2010 @ 08:30 PM
I hope so! Does it seem these days that there is alot of stress, you bet.This country is wound tighter than a top. Reaching any potential comes with frustration.It doesn't have to be like this. Approaching everyday with supreme optomism is taking the high road, there is infinite possibilities if you just steer your way through the negativity around you, while still embracing reality.
In the dating game it is imperative in the year 2010 that you focus on meeting as many people regardless of the minutia that you use to screen them out, if you become solidly optomistic then happy days are ahead, even if you don't permanently end up with them.Why because your outlook is brighter, your mood is better.Now when I say happy days I dont mean dating the fonz, Richie, Ralph or potsie. However the simplicity, less complication and fun of that era is appealing.
Reaching your full potential is based this year on contacts, bright disposition and less competing criteria. Yes the road to success is taking a right on happy street.On happy street there are happy days ahead where you unlock your potential to be cheerful and wonderful to be around.Removing the mental blocks that hold you back day to day helps you become free to meet more people because your not stuck up anymore, your not a nay sayer and unpleasent, your literally having more happy days as you smile, wink, flirt and become cheerful. Success can be yours because your in a better mood, happy days are here because your going on dates instead of sabotaging them. You wake up and there is happiness inside you. Happiness turns your life around from misery. Happiness turns your life around. Invest yourself in happiness.Just have a gorgeous day.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Fri, Mar 05, 2010 @ 03:43 PM
Hi everybody , I thought alot recently about what this world is becoming.If you have not heard from your friends in years go on facebook they show up in 5 minutes, yet they couldn't call you in the last ten years even when they knew your number.Then you go out to twitter and tweet, is this mindless or am I just crazy? Let's face it who cares about the cup of coffee you had this morning. By the way who cares about most things I do. You can link in with Bill who linked with Sally who linked with Tom who linked with Fred who linked with George who linked with Amanda, you get where I am going.The real deal is when you meet people in person without this computer.I function best in person live when I meet you.In dating tweeting get's you no where.This stuff is for communication purposes of a small order. In person is where it all happens live and in color, the internet has created a generation of inept people who can't talk to one another, even I spend more time on it than I want to. What positive outcome can be achieved with all this mindless tweeting and linking and creating a shrine to yourself on facebook. Expanding your horizon in person in the flesh takes courage. It also takes social skills.By the way in dating it only happens when your in person, not looking at pictures hoping George clooney or Angelina Jolie is going to appear.
Another thing to consider is that on these social networking sites potential employers are looking you up to see what your doing, you could lose a job opportunity because of what your doing.Living confidentially is a thing of the past with your digital footprint on the internet, tells people everywhere you have been.There is no more privacy. The internet is a great place to research evey subject there is or to look up facts on certain subject matter, it is the wild wild west of lunacy when it comes to meeting people or associating with them, even I can't believe that you must have a website in order to do business when let's face it what I do has nothing to do with a website.I match people that I meet in person who joined my service from finding out about me through advertising, public stories and e mail advertising, then there are others who come here to be entertained. I never met anyone who tweets in my life in person and none of them became customers however those that were directed here became members.I believe that tweeters and face book shrine organizers and linked up people are too busy for a real life.If your tweeting mindlessly all day long you have no time for anything else do you?
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Wed, Mar 03, 2010 @ 08:19 PM
I thought I would share encouragement with all of you.
1 Start thinking about alternatives to those that reject you, examine a new beggining, maybe it will turn the corner for you.
2 Start showing a bright side to your personality, you might be someones refreshing sunshine.
3 Start participating in group activities that are fun for you, the next person you meet there could be the one for you.
4 Find a subtle way to showcase talents you have.You will get noticed.
5 Look for people with values and charecter, these are the solid people you can count on.
6 If he or she looks good, flirt with them you might strike up a match.Besides it is fun to flirt.
7 Embrace realistic matchmaking, feel my energy, listen to my radio show a networking singles you will gain insight.
8 Don't be shy you have alot to offer, let them know your interesting.
9 Think about nice things you can do for others, you will be noticed as benevolent.
10 Focus on getting positive reactions from the opposite sex.
11 Dress to attract, wear attractive but appropriate clothing.Be stylish.
12 Excercise at least 1 hour daily it will make you more physically appealing.
13 Make eye contact and smile at the moment you make eye contact it works most of the time.
14 Use imagination when planning dates, it creates an element of excitement.
15 Be a conversationalist, you can't be boring if you have something interesting to say.
16 Seek out support from others when dating.
17 Make a committment to have time and energy to date people.
18 Create a perception that you are pleasant to be around, the flock will soon form around you.
19 Make sure you don't percieve your way out of the dating game before you get in it.
20 Try to get as many realtime in person contact instead of tweeting your brains out, playing games on face book or linking in with people who mean nothing to you.Find a way to meet people face to face.
21 Being single does not mean your alone seek out groups of singles and mingle.
22 Don't act desperate, act as if you are worth it to meet, you will meet people this way.Create your inviting presence.
23 Please try to be happy, find your places to go that make you happy and smile, you will attract people there.
24 For heaven sake go on a vacation and meet someone there.
25 Think positive because you will attract positive.
I hope everyday to reach singles with words of encouragement, to lead you by use of the ideas of realistic matchmaking.
John Holt
Matchmaker