Posted by John Holt on Sun, Jan 31, 2010 @ 10:32 AM
Hi Ladies, it is a growing issue these days about how you attract the man you want.This is not heavy duty stuff, it is advice from the realistic matchmaker.I see frustration building in my realistic matchmakers crystal ball.I live it daily with you.It is true that many of you ladies are more active in your search since 2008 before that were the picky years of 2000-2007 where many men were completely frustrated from never measuring up, so I ask you are the men punishing the woman for the picky years?Some of them are.My next question is why are the woman more available than ever now?Because woman are oriented to security and in this economic calamity known as the united states of america 2 salaries are better than 1.This is only some of my observations.Now I ask you, is it wise to date a laid off man who had an accomplished career but does not now.When you pass judgement look over your shoulder you could get laid off next.January was a month where I heard about alot of lay off's.Please understand that I have many men still doing well here.They are,
1 Human service workers.
2 Owners of construction companies,
3 Pipe Fitters.
4 Computer Technicians.
5 Auto Salesmen.
6 Art Dealers.
7 Retail Business owners.
8 College Proffessors.
9 High School Teachers.
10 Lawyers.
11 Retired people.
12 Sports Management Professionals.
13 Professional Salesmen.
14 Corrections officers.
15 Auto Mechanics.
16 Custodians.
17 Purchasing Agents.
18 Management Supervisors.
19 Music Teachers.
20 Musicians.
21 Truck Drivers.
22 Enlisted Navy Personell.
23 Aero space technicians.
24 Postal workers.
25 Boat Builders.
26 Manufacturing company owners.
27 Property Developers.
28 Aircraft Mechanics.
29 Seafood Store Owners.
30 Chef's.
31 Electricians.
32 Lawyers.
33 Marine Mechanics.
34 Mortgage Bankers.
35 Construction Managers.
36 School Administrators.
37 Business Analysts.
38 Marketing Professionals.
39 Warehouse Workers.
40 DPW Workers.
41 Business Managers.
42 Investment Bankers.
43 Dentists
44 Computer Scientists.
45 Engineers.
46 Computer Analysts.
47 Cardiologists.
48 Chemists.
49 High Tech Consultants.
50 Company ceo's
51 Substance Abuse Counselors.
52 Nurses.
53 Pharmacists.
All levels of education are represented at tri-state.
Make no mistake about it men are more difficult these days and since 2008, however I have solutions and strategies embeded in realistic matchmaking that will make finding someone attainable.I have high impact value.By the way men you are in a great place at tri-state dating, the woman here are not going to play games with you.The woman at tri-state dating service are serious about meeting you.2010 is a potential bonanza for the person who wants to find someone, so I suggest you leave the cave your hibernating in, become positive and be reliable and you will end up with someone soon.Just be serious about a relationship.Step up and be a stand up guy who wont let woman down and you will see woman respond to you in large numbers.
Back to the ladies, you must take pride in your appearance, if you can start working out and make yourself appealing to men, dress appealing and feminine, try to understand men and what they think.Dump the foolish stringent standards you set for men that barely any can live up to.Putting men through a rigorous chase will send them packing and traveling far from you.Perhaps your expectations of quality might be slightly south side of warped.Examine your criteria.There are omly 4% of all men in the united states that are total packages.
So this is the inside scoop ladies.It is time for men to step up and for woman to be softer in their acceptance of men.Ladies if your in good shape, you smile, your pleasent, interesting to talk to and emotionally stable you will attract men.If you are the snob who complains about quality in men you will be alone to complain about them.There are ways to make yourself popular with men. Here are some to consider.
1 Be enchanting, you do this by creating a slight mystery, men will flock to mystery.
2 Be evocative, draw them out with appealing conversation not intense interogations.
3 Set the mood by being happy and smile at them, this works.I am a man and a smile always got a positive response out of me.
4 Show passion about your life.
5 Flirt and do it often.Playfullness is fun.
See this is realistic matchmaking and it can be fun.I am your agent to help you find that man.I will do that and yes men the finest woman I have ever had are here now at tri-state dating service.
One of the very most important things you can do is making yourself physically and emotionally healthy. There are 2 things men tell me about who they are not attracted to.
1 Woman with out of control emotional problems.
2 Woman that are out of shape.
Now men please understand this, you must not be a hypocrite.If you expect woman to be those 2 charecteristics you tell me about then you must be that way yourself.
I will never forget this woman from new bedford mass, that looked like cher, she was in great shape, she ended up getting married to a man from brockton mass, who I matched her with.She used to say to me " I kill myself to look like this so why do men show up out of shape, gut hanging over their belt and expect me to look like this" so men let's get rid of the double standard.If your overweight then you should date an overweight woman.
Dating anxiety is prevalent it makes you look unglued and desperate, be calm, confident and dont appear to look desperate.Desperation is unattractive.Be available but not taken for granted.Looking for mr. right is not easy dont make it impossible by being a nit picker.No one is perfect.By the way men onlt 3% of all woman are barbie dolls cut some slack here.Ladies you love to be kissed and romanced well look appealing and you will be kissed and romanced.
Ladies taking action sometimes get's the man to move faster.Send the signals that tell him your interested, is he really supposed to have telepathic skills.I doubt it, flirt and seduce.Dating can fun and it should be and with flirting and seduction it is powerfully fun in dating.
So what is the market for you in dating these days.In realistic matchmaking I open markets for you.My advice, strategies and opinions are ready made to assist you.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Sat, Jan 30, 2010 @ 01:55 PM
These days you must be tremendously motivated to do anything that personally matters to you. Dating to succeed both realistically and actually end up in a relationship is no different.It takes a mindset, a committment to achieve.I also caution all of you not to turnit into a intense mission.It is the man/woman who keeps it lighthearted and has an approach with finnesse that is the winner in this game called dating.
So take the television remote box that you may currently be married to or escape from dating your computer mouse and take a trip to realistic matchmaking land.
If you feel misplaced on the dating landscape then you have company.All that is required to conquer it is to become realistic, loosen up, be fun and less intense.Take my pledge, 90 days of fun with someone and you know, well maybe it just might work and you will connect.Ignoring me will only keep you in a maze for more time.I am just full of suggestions.I help my members succeed.I talked to one of my new female members and advised her on dressing for the first dateI matched her with, in less than 7 days after she joined.I also consulted with her on strategy to make positive conversation with her date.I know the people at tri-state and certain things motivate them.It is about your motivation.This is a people moving business.I suggest that everyone move in a proactive direction.People are funny and can be their own worse enemy.
I think the first step to motivation is to develop a no nonsense attitude.I mean that you should get the clutter out of your head.Clutter is collected based on perceptions which have little to do with reality.The proper mindset is to have a practical approach of inclusiveness as opposed to exclusionary.Expand your circle to encompass 50% of eligible singles, then motivate yourself to meet, greet, learn and accept them.From the acceptance then comes a possible serious prospect.I have seen this work.Tolerance is helpful.It does take alot of personal time and motivation to achieve this.Your energy is positive this way not negative.Negativity produces frustration which in turn makes you ugly.
Remember it is human nature to complain about whatever botthers you, it is motivational to rise above it and move forward to an outcome that is successful and positive.
I say you should go out, meet, greet, have some fun and learn and repeat the process over and over again while making sure it is fun! No pity parties at tri-state dating service.I really think you will not view the use of your time as a waste.This is functional advice, especially if your alone today as you read this.Be strong, it takes motivation to be strong and rise above the same old same old.
The entertainment aspect of dating many to find one can be much more motivational than sitting home alone.
It is also healthy to be associated and connected in a relationship.
My motivation is that matchmaking is a fun serious business.Love is attainable to the motivated.What is your motivation? You must embrace realistic matchmaking in a serious way.My motivation is to move you through the chess game of dating until you have checkmate.I know the ins and outs of dating.Motivation is an element that will help you succeed not fail.So how can I wake up the spirit in you, your passport is motivation.It might mean that I as a constant catalyst will need to revive you.If you want the countless hours of entertainment that could be ahead you must be motivated.I will never tell you it is easy.I am here to help you reach your full potential.My assistance helps you with style.I am on your side.I stand up with you not against you.Come to grips with motivation.I think if you embrace realistic matchmaking you achieve a lifetime of happiness.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Fri, Jan 29, 2010 @ 01:07 PM
Ok all you visual men! Let me get your attention.Here at tri-state dating service are some attractive woman ready to meet you, only if you have substance.If your a player, forget it.I have the girl next door types with sweet dispositions and nice smiles,My service is full to the brim with petite woman from 4 foot 11-5 foot 2.I have the beauty with brains type here at tri-state dating service. For men in there 60s I have woman that are so young looking for their age that you will be completely surprised.You better have the energy to keep up with them. Sophisticated, classy woman are here.I have alot of beauticians and hair salon operators who know how to look good .These woman are fun and smart with great business skills.Do you like the down to earth rural types.I have them.
If your all visual like you have been proven to be then your eyes will be pleased here.I ask that you have substance and be relationship oriented because these woman are substantial intrinsically.I find the woman here at tri state to be compelling, mesmerizing, stunning, vibrant woman who want serious relationship candidates.I hope your up to meeting real woman with looks, vitality, positive energy.So are you stimulating and exciting? 800-252-6210.Let's get down to business.
JohnHolt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Fri, Jan 29, 2010 @ 08:05 AM
Well we are officially in the valentines day cycle on the dating calendar.Is it time for exploration? You will see all those couples on valentines day and wonder why this isn't you.It can be you.I have a mission this year to make many matches on or before valentines day.This means if you have used every excuse known to man to avoid finding someone it might be time to get in the game.Avoid the blues and go on a date on valentines day.The company at a resteraunt always enhances the meal.
I think it is never been a better time to lend a hand to all of those without someone.It is time to embrace realistic matchmaking and see the possibilities.I am converting the unrealistic everyday.I bet you have the stuff to attract someone special.
In my business alliances are created.Through the alliances many single people have benefitted from my vast networks.Realistic matchmaking is the brand of tri-state dating service and exploration of my idea is worth the mind set.
Men you must know that I feel there are many woman here of all personal styles that would compliment your life.These woman would make great companions and possible love interests.Many are in excellent shape, very nice,atractive, good shape, sweet and willing to meet you.
The brand of tri-state dating service is realistic matchmaking read about this on my web pageUnderstanding Realistic Matchmaking this will free you from frustration and move you to a viable relationship.So my friends if you think by now I am personally dedicated then research this website and get in touch with me.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Thu, Jan 28, 2010 @ 08:34 PM
I hope I have an overwhelming affect on you guys out here with the title of this one.Gentleman the woman at tri-state dating service from 25-81 years in age are ready and willing to connect with you, no games, no waiting.Just real serious about meeting the right man for a relationship and by the way there are men here who get it, they are getting dates and being matched constantly.There are dinner parties being planned where at every turn there are matches coming out of them.
The woman at tri state are attractive and don't make men wait to meet them.So men if you are tortured by online game players then this will be a good alternative.The woman here are intelligent, they smile, why I had 3 appointments the other day with woman who can make you laugh are good looking, they smile and are serious about meeting men.
The process is not intense here at tri-state it is friendly with realistic matching.I think there are alot of dynamic woman here.I see electricity in their personalities.The woman here are accomplished, nice, fun and serious about meeting you.By the way I know your visual and I have many you can visualize and find attractive, what are you waiting for! There has never in the 18 year history of tri-state dating service been a better time to date willing, qualified, attractive , nice woman then now.Come to this conclusion, you will be dating soon if you call me 800-252-6210. In the last 10 days there were 180 matches made here and it looks like another 200 before valentines day.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Wed, Jan 27, 2010 @ 01:47 PM
Single people these days are making consumer decisions to pay to find people or not. I ask you is there any price for meeting someone for true love?Matchmaking and dating service business' are not retail models.Dating services are not product model business.At a dating service you can't say to someone that we guarentee you will meet the person of your dreams.This makes you decide to risk the sum of money that is required.Unlike thousands upon thousands of dollars dating service I charge in the hundreds and I do guarentee amounts of service purchased.These rip off services that charge you $ 3000.00-$5000.00 and never tell you the price over the phone are dishonest and overpriced for what they can deliver.Online services are monthly space rentals that if you meet no one then you pay the rent again.Just about all of them leave it to yourself to match with other people who are not verified.
The whole dating service industry in one form or another has not suffered greatly during this recession.Love doesn't wait during a recession.If you want value try my service, you will get your moneys worth, if you embrace realistic matchmaking.If you are a fool and live in a dream world then you will be alone until you embrace reality.
One third of all singles are dabbling in some form of dating service or dating site activity leaving 66% of you doing nothing and leaving it to hope.I can tell you that hope is not knocking at your door, although I have a beautiful 35 year old woman from R.I named Hope in my service.
Stagnation in deciding to hire a matchmaker is usually based on stigma not money, although I have run into people who wont pay any amount of money for love.It is all what it is worth to you.I promise fair customer service.I always listen to my customers.I don't always agree but I will be courteous and listen.
Bad experiences in this business are usually a combination of things.If a dating service is unwilling to tell you the truth about your chances then run from them.Realistic matchmaking is about understanding who you are and who you can be with.It is not telling people that their illusions are about to become reality.This makes the truth worth spending money on.
Dating is the most talked about and written about sexy subject on earth.More and more we are discovering that this complex set of issues not unlike a daytime soap opera is as complicated as we all make it.I must help all of you through this.You and I have a win/win proposition if you listen to me and I listen to you.My service is flourishing because you are embracing in larger numbers realistic matchmaking the brand of tri state dating service.The unrealistic are gawking at pictures on the internet.You could be the next success story here.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Wed, Jan 27, 2010 @ 08:50 AM
Sally doesn't find Bill attractive and Ann didn't either but Ann finds Larry attractive.Larry doesn't think Ann is attractive he likes Sally.Guess what Sally doesn't find Larry attractive and on and on it goes.Lets examine this.
Men especially are visual, so ladies I ask you, do you dress the way men like you to in order to attract them?I have some woman say they won't do that and he will take me as I am and then your alone for awhile and what next?Below I am going to list the many aspects of attraction.
1 Men love slender woman with long hair.If you are one of those you have it made.
2 Men adore woman with enhanced features, we can read between the lines without directness on this one.
3 Woman find charm and charisma very attractive.
4 Woman like and are attracted to tall men.
5 Some woman are attracted to intellectual men.
6 Some woman are attracted to money, status and power in men.
7 Most men are attracted to younger woman.
8 Some men are attracted to woman who make things easy and convienient for them.
9 Woman are attracted to style in men.Men if you have a certain style you can attract woman.
10 woman are attracted to entertaining personalities.
11 Woman are attracted to a smile , so men fix your teeth and get them cleaned regularly.
12 Men pollish your shoes woman will judge your attractiveness based on that.
13 Woman, the more feminine you dress the more atractive to men you are.
14 Some men are attracted to small petite woman.
15 Woman are attracted to confident men.
16 Some woman are attracted to a man with an edge or the bad boy type.
17 Woman are attracted to intrigueing men.
18 Some men and woman are attracted to certain political philosophies.
19 Some woman like and find attractive the big teddy bear types.
20 Some woman like hard body gym rat types.
21 Some men and woman are attracted to athletic types.
22 The less bad personal habits you have the more your attractive to both men and woman.
23 Both men and woman are attracted to a smile, always smile!
24 Woman are attracted to fun men with positive personalities.
25 Men are attracted to long shapely legs on a woman.
26 Woman are attracted to enthusiastic men.
27 Woman are attracted to complimentary men.
28 Woman are attracted to men who can connect and relate to their lives.
29 Woman are attracted to romance, flowers, cards, nice gestures.
30 Woman are attracted to sensitivity.
31 Some men and woman are attracted to religous beliefs that are similiar.
32 Some men are attracted to the down to earth girl next door types.
33 Some men are attracted to the flashy sophisticated woman.
34 Some woman are atracted to men with accomplishments in life.
35 Many woman are attracted to famous men.
36 Most men are attracted to emotionally stable woman, sorry drama queens are not attractive to most men.
37 Do opposites attract, yes in about 25% of the attraction is men and woman who are opposite of one another.
38 Woman are attracted to personal strength in a man.
39 Some woman are attracted to rugged looking men.
40 Many woman are attracted to gentleman with manners.
41 Men love sweet woman.
42 Woman are attracted to men who dress with curent style.
43 Some men find sassy woman attractive.
44 Woman find men who take the lead attractive.
45 Certain men are attracted to womans hair style as it fits facial features.
46 Some men and woman are attracted to flirtatious behavior.
47 Both men and woman to a larger degree are attracted to each other when you weigh less.
48 Woman are attracted to strong men.
49 Woman are attracted to a man who can carry on a conversation.
50 Everyone is attracted to honesty in each other.
51 Woman are attracted to men with exciting, fresh new ideas.
52 Woman are attracted to men who have multiple skills.
Now if we had Meg Ryan and George clooney we would be all set, however many of us are not them are we?
So what attracts you to the opposite sex?I as a matchmaker must figure this out daily with multiple amounts of people.In the end I hope you find your special person and I hope you dont stress over it too much.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Sat, Jan 23, 2010 @ 04:55 PM
Ladies, you sometimes get a bad rap from men.They say all you care about is money and status.A man from R.I once told that 75% of the woman he dates get first class treatment such as lavish dinners at nice atmospheric resteraunts and he spends alot and never do they offer to buy him a pizza.So ladies whats the scoop?Is it your right to be a member of wine and dine international.I think a woman should offer to pay for 1 in 5 dates especially if she is doing well and many of you are.
In todays world woman are more likely to be bringing in a significant income so when these dating rules of the man pays were invented, woman were making less.Woman doing well have excluded who they will date.Alot of you wont date a man with less status than you.It is lonely at the top, ladies.There are less people at the top.What about salary is really important, especially since we are living in voodo like economic times.What roles are woman and men playing and how psychologically is this new way of carrying on.I say that the size of a mans salary has no bearing on what your relationship will be like, as a matter of fact there are many and as much as 50% of all millionaires who are as cheap as the days grow long, how do you think they became rich.It wasn't from a government bailout.
Maybe it is just leverage to date a man with money.Dating should perhaps be a merger aquisition.If both men and woman merge then personal, emotional and monetary sweat equity is infused.The future trend tells me that in realistic matchmaking we are together in this, if both parties get to the table each should have desireable attributes to bring.
Now good old John the matchmaker is saying what about making each other happy?Being someone you can laugh with.Maybe intellectual stimulation, perhaps nice conversation or maybe you just feel good with him and are giddy with excitement if you were together at the city dump.
So why is it that woman challenge mens psyche to have more money.You can be rich and a glaring failure at relationships and have plenty of money.Remember what Alan Greenspan said about the stock market mania he called it irrational exuberance.
What we all saw growing up, especially in Ward and June Cleaver days if your as old as me is gone forever.Woman are not staying home in large numbers so why do they need a mans money.I had a very wealthy woman from groton long point C.T who once said " I dont care if he buys me a bowl of soup as long as he is my companion" she had it right, she needed no ones money she traveled the world over and had plenty, she didn't have a boyfriend.I fixed that.
Now certain men feel diminished by a woman making more money so they shoot lower in status to make themselves feel better.
Ladies when you ask those goldigging question about the car a man drives or what he has, he knows what your digging for.I had a very wealthy man who was a member of my service who used to take his pickup truck to the first 2 dates to see if he got dumped.He had a fleet of cars.No one saw them until they passed the pickup truck test.Most rich men don't want to pay for all the dates because they test you to see if you care about dinner or them.
The best way to measure true love is with small gestures that are bestowed on each other that have no monetary value.Having a more detirmining way to pick a man out should be based on intrinsic value.Falling in love has no monetary value.
Your male or "The One" should be your soulmate your extended being.He should give you his heart and soul and you should reciprocate.Through discovery you grow together symetrically in many ways intrinsic.You just love to be around him even in bad times.He is committed to you.
My advice to you is to ignore money and status because if that is what it is all about then your a goldigger.Money makes comfort not happiness.Just the hard facts from southern new englands most realistic matchmaker.In realistic matchmaking you get the facts you need to make the right decisions.Be a woman of substance and integrity not a goldigger.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Sat, Jan 23, 2010 @ 12:01 AM
It is not uncomplicated is it.Afterall there are experts everywhere and oh yes there is me, southern new englands most realistic matchmaker telling you all the time about many different aspects of dating and relationship building.Well what will transform you into a success?My ideas have intrigued you.I hope what I tell you is wise advice, afterall I have 18 years of experience.The fact is that dating has become highly complex, because you make it that way, with heaping criteria that many can't live up to.I say simplify the criteria and open up to more people.
There are advantages in opening up.You will increase companionship and add friends.The experiences will enrich your learning curve.You might achieve lasting love, find someone you can depend on and they can depend on you.The activities you like will have a partner to do them with.Attention that is positive will be focused on each other.Then there is affection and intimacy.The allure of being in a partnership with the benefits of making a life together.
You know that in your life it is important to be in a relationship of meaning.Remember that your the main roadblock to your own success, often self sabotaging your thought process.There are different aspects of your lists of who is right and who is wrong for you.The idea of having someone consistent brings you out to date one another.Remember 2 heads are better than 1 and that 2 incomes can help much better than one.
So realistically what is being single mean to you.Does it mean total freedom or does it mean despair and lonliness?
The newly redesigned idea of realistic matchmaking is shedding light on making you understand that the unthikable can happen, which is that through all the wonder of your closed minded behavior is the idea of opening up to more people than less.It can now make dating better than ever.Why, because you will have more dates to go on.Movement in your direction because your now datable is possible.A surge in options for you will abound.Isn't there more to like about people than you realize.
Times have changed over the last 15 years and we live in an angry world with little tolerance.Dating is not immune to the world and it's complexity.I say it must be the time in dating history to grow and change.Now with more openess embrace people, you don't have to marry them or maybe if you opened up you might marry one of them.When you increase opportunity you relieve frustration of waiting.Yes waiting a thing all singles hate to do.Hating to wait should get you to open up so you wait less.Expanded and enriched opportunities should be your goal so go out and bring perspective to complex ways and simplify them.It should unite you with other singles not divide you in conflict and leave you in rejection.
Here it is, embrace it.Realistic matchmaking where I get you to think about perspective and simplify your complexities that make you single..You are making things more complex aren't you and you are your own self sabotaging enemy an impediment to progress..Can I get you to embrace realistic thinking or will you find comfort in your unwillingness to accept people and learn about them.
JohnHolt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Fri, Jan 22, 2010 @ 03:44 PM
Hi Everyone, just another day in realistic matchmaking.Today a man from West Haven C.T decides his last date from milford C.T is unatractive, said he couldn't look at her.He decided to talk about his ex girlfriend and exwife in a derogatory manner.He told me he did this to get rid of her.It worked.He did it because he didn't want to hurt her feelings so he decieved her.This man was dating a woman from johnston R.I for 4 months after he met her at a tri-state dinner party they couldn't pull things together so they broke up.He told me to give him matches closer to home.He wouldn't go out with 2 from his own town so milford is 1 town over and he didn't like her.I made 2 lists.On 1 list was the top 18 most attractive looking woman in tri-state dating service on the other list remained the next 18 closest woman geographically.There was only 1 woman that appeared on both lists.He can't understand that this is what it is and the top 2 on the attractive list would not ever date him because he is 56 and one is 33 and the other is 47 but too picky and doesn't find anyone up to her standards.All this stuff is what must be dealt with.Here at tri-state you can go out with the next one the one after that and everyday if you are flexible and want to go out with anyone.The problem with singles these days is perfection and get it done yesterday.This will never work for you if you approach it this way.For 18 years 21% of you got married here at tri-state dating service.47% found someone to date for longer than 6 months.89% of you found people to date for multiple dates and up to 5 months.94% of you thought you got fair service and meet people that are interesting.It just didn't work for 6% of you of which 2% of you hate me and blame me for all your problems in dating.2% isn't bad.I realize how this goes.Here we are today and if it didn't happen today it is a catastrophe.I am here to tell you that your time will come, 99% of you will find someone, believe me.
This is not dating for desperate people it is realistic matchmaking.My choice for you would be the one that is compatible, whats right , compatibility or fast results.Fast may not be best.
Marketing suggests that we live in a drive through society, we can't have it fast in dating because there are millions of criteria that come into play.I am an expert in understanding what people are interested in and what they really want.We need to embrace in a civil way the pursuit of reality.Things must get done right, fast is not always right.If a dating agency or website is talking quick fix run fast from them.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Thu, Jan 21, 2010 @ 09:28 PM
The cold hard facts are that dating is not simple.What can men and woman do to make it more simple? My answer is to stop micromanaging each other.I think that manipulation should be non existent and stop trying to control everything and each other.
Please be consistent in everything you say and do with the opposite sex and live by the truth.The truth and reality of life is the way to go.There is no one to blame for being single but yourself.It is no ones fault but yours.
I as a matchmaker value you for the unique person you are and will be proud to represent you, but don't blame anyone for being single.Being single is in your control.Being single is okay, if you want someone in your life you must work in the frame of reality to reach your goal using strategy.I will work strategy with you if you hire me.
I have no expectations of you other than to keep an open mind toward meeting the opposite sex.Intimacy is in your core, I doubt you can live without it, you can try.
Men and woman should make an effort to achieve connection.Not just sex but connection.Men please embrace assertive woman.I think woman should show a nurturing side in return.The results will be exquisite.The development of a successful relationship will be so rewarding.
The dating process is not easy, in order to achieve what I write about here requires personal development and growth.Don't play hard to get.Make a decision to learn about someone and connect.
Relationships develop from dating.The dating process is difficult.There is ambivalence to deal with.Social constructs and socialization is judged and measured.There are religous considerations and cultural mores' , personality issues and oh yes "what do you look like".
Priorities should be based on feelings.The idea of feeling who you are with emotionally is a barometer.You should embrace that.You don't have to marry everyone you meet just embrace and learn.
Another reason dating is not simple is because our society has broken down to the point where being reliable is unimportant.Doing what we say is not always what people do.
Dating is often hard because our list of who we want is smaller than the list of who we don't want.I suggest that you find a way to bring those 2 lists to even.Then your doors are open.Take my challenge and meet for a date or a get aquainted ,meeting with half of the opposite sex available to you.This means you can only turn down half the people for a date and meeting and just go.Once you are there stay at least an hour, try to be fun and have fun, if there are things said you can connect on and you can look at the one your with then keep going.Progress will be made and you will be less frustrated until you meet the one and only.The path will be eventful and you will be happier, so just go! Try to be cordial, keep an open mind and learn alot while having fun.I hope I have simplified things.
John Holt
Matchmaker With a Strategy!
Posted by John Holt on Wed, Jan 20, 2010 @ 09:36 PM
Father time is a great ally of mine.The more singles sit and wait the more likely they are going to embrace realistic matchmaking.My goal is simple, to match you with someone you will stay with for a long time.It should come as no surprise to anyone that this simple goal is a daunting task that is incredible.Why is it this way?Because human relationships are as complicated as most day time soap operas.So join me in this eye opening blog article.Because your making it more complex than it should be.
First there are many things you can do to meet single people.My way is one in many.I believe in my way which is realistic matchmaking the brand of tri-state dating service.Anxiety controls your dating lives, you long for a meaningful relationship and it can't happen fast enough.One problem with that is he has his criteria and she has hers!Then rejection makes the process fearful.No one person on earth can enjoy being rejected.Understanding your feelings and handling them is part of the dating process, so I ask are you a brave soul? If so then read on my friends.
Here are the strategies for woman.Yes you lovely woman who want to be with someone.I know many of you.
1 Men are visual, no matter what ,they want to choose you with their eyes.This is not very wise, however it is a fact we can't change so the more feminine you are, the more sex appeal you have the less weight you are carrying and the ability to flirt then the better off you are.Yes making yourself look good is required in attracting men.
2 Emotional stability is a must, men are fearful of drama queens and woman with emotional mood swings.
3 Activity orientation, men hope you will like at least 60% of the activities they like.
4 Playing hard to get can get you no where with 75% of all men, they give up before you give in.
5 Should you be fortunate enough to be the wholesome girl next door then your getting more dates than the sophisticated woman who flaunts her education and status, sorry ladies but most men don't care how many degrees you have.
6 Don't take advantage of a mans generosity if you don't mean it, most men don't like wine and dine woman unless those woman really appreciate them.
7 Please understand that men 5-15 years older than you are the ones interested.I know about cougars and some men dating older woman, this is a minority position in men.
A well established male attorney who was a member of my service once told me that all you should be is attractive and nice.He didn't care about anything else.So what do you say ladies? Many of you say I wont give in and then what.I say use this information to make yourself more datable or be frustrated.
Now for you men! I bet you guys thought I would leave you out, forget it, there is alot for you to learn and here it is.
1 Woman love romance, most woman are not to be held as objects or ornaments, they are intelligent beings who know when they are targeted for a relationship and when it is just sex you want.Romance wins with most woman, chivalry, committment, flowers and showing you really care is what woman want.
2 Men please dress as if you spent at least an hour to do it.Understand that to woman style get's points.
3 Charm and charisma will win with woman, you must learn to connect to get anywhere.I mean it should be genuine by the way, not fake and contrived.Woman like compliments and know when they are phony lines.
4 Be gainfully employed, men we don't like this but woman often choose to be with men based on what they do for a living.
5 Just be reliable and do what you promise to do and do everything with enthusiasm and style.
6 Don't be artificial just learn these strategies and be yourself.
7 Confidence is sexy and exciting to woman, be decisive not ambivalent.
Yes I hope this is clear and now let's breakdown the strength of personalities.Can two people keep things interesting in a relationship based on personality?You can bet that this is the strongest part of you I examine in matchmaking.It isn't easy to mesh well unless your personalities can connect.For woman connection is the glue to a relationship.Love is wonderful, it is connection and personality that gets you through the down times, it is love that keeps you at the high times.Staying open to each others thought process is big.It takes big people to understand things from the others point of view.Just listening goes a long way.Communication is everything.How the messages get sent are important.I as a matchmaker thrive on listening.I might not agree with you but I will always listen to you.If both men and woman adopt the idea that no one is perfect and you stay around for 90 days to figure each other out you will likely find someone.Never rush to judgement about anyone.Just be honest with yourself and ladies and gentleman please know who you are and who you can be with.If it is meant to be it will be.
Fun is and should be in dating.Finding ways to mutually amuse each other is a great idea, why, because in this crazy world we live in we need to laugh and make each other happy, it helps with the stress of daily living.If a man and woman can turn to each other as primary stress relievers then you connect as significant.This allows you to enjoy life more and worry less.Men please understand woman like to be entertained if you can do that you will win more than lose with them.Sunny days are achieved when your fun to be with, jolly to be around, playful,carefree on dates, relaxing to be near.Yes your escapades will be memorable.This will then lead to serious connection.If you are too intense to begin with then you might fail as you scare him/her away.
I love middle of the road types who know that the middle of the road is where they belong, they don't shoot to high.I once had a man from quincy mass. who met 16 woman, they were middle of the road he was too and he knew it.He didn't shoot higher, he dated every woman more than 5 times and ended up with number 16 permanently.It's all about strategy, so what is your strategy? Maybe you want to comment on it.
By the way, energy is a must.If you are energetic with a positive attitude you will win more than lose in the dating game.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Wed, Jan 20, 2010 @ 09:21 AM
If I haven't already told you I will tell you now.Dating for the right match is all about timing.Recently a man who spent 6 years as a member of my service got married to a woman who was here for 9 months.I bet your all saying I don't mind 9 months, six years oh my god! He used to tell me that he liked me because when I called him it was with only meaningful matches.Anyone can meet anyone, some of my less than patient members are meeting people everyday, others at a moderate pace and others are waiting patiently.I will say this.Things wont happen until the timing is right.The more selective you are the longer it takes or you showed up at the right time.I have had overnight success stories.I will never forget the man from brooklyn c.t who met the woman from north stonington c.t in the very week they joined.They only had to meet each other and there were 400 people at that wedding.I met people who were friends of the bride and groom for 3 plus years after that, some of them did well here others did not.
I am southern new englands most realistic matchmaker.I deal with anxious people and patient people.I made 201 phone calls in the last 5 days 75 of these people are the anxious ones.I hope they like who they got.Then there was the phone call last night with a nice woman from west haven c.t who has been getting rejected by some men.She was told that compromises for her would be to date a smoker or a younger man 12 years younger.Well on and on this goes.Today I will sign up many from r.i. I just continue these days blazing a trail through r.i c.t and n.y.My idea continues to be realistic matchmaking the brand of tri-state dating service.This hopefully makes it so being alone will be obsolete in your life. I am a master at strategy to convince you to open up to possibilities, however there are some of you with little flexibility.Yesterday I said good bye to a woman from providence who I think is an honest upfront successful woman, she is too hard on men and herself at the same time.She met 14 men through my service, no one made the cut, at 41 she still remains single, what is the future for her? My artistry or wizardry didn't make a difference.I will say I think she would be a great catch for someone.My question is will she get caught.
My skills are being tested to the maximum these days.Dealing with ambivalent men is tough.If your not an ambivalent man please call me at 800-252-6210 because you will be flooded with matches from here with some of the best woman I have met in 18 years in this business.All ages.I just signed up a wonderful gentleman from rocky hill c.t who is 70 years old, a retired doctor.He was matched twice in the first 7 days and another is coming this week.I have them all ages.There was a dinner party in mystic c.t last saturday night.People were happy with who they met and will be dating from that dinner party.I have a big dinner party planned next month in narragansett r.i and others in the works.
I am certainly not the magic man and some people can't be patient but if you choose me to be associated with your fortune over time will change.Your relationship with me becomes precious with time in a business where guarentees are unethical.I can promise you this.Straight forward , honest to goodness realistic matchmaking.There is no quick fix and timing is everything.I will never forget the woman from norwich c.t who hated me, each time I called I could feel like vermin.I called her 6 times in 9 months on the 6th and final match she went out with a man from norwich c.t for a year, she then came back and signed up for an unlimited membership and met the man she married through this service.This is what I mean when I say precious with time.She went from not liking me to small success to rethinking her association with me to marriage.I never gave up for her and I will never give up for you.This gets heated with emotion daily, weekly, monthly and yearly.The fact is that this is a highly emotionally charged business and the fear of rejection, ambivalence and giving rejection is present.I had a woman recently from new london c.t with alot of problems.I didn't turn my back on her until she became abusive to me, she couldn't handle rejection and acted in desperation.I lived through 1 year of this with her.
I am well trained to deal with issues.I come from a human services bachground where dealing with people with problems is daily in life.I am capable of showing you the way if you embrace me and my ideas.My talent and imagination in communicating with you makes your association with me over time precious.
Most people have the right stuff for someone it is timing that brings them together.My vision as a business man, matchmaker and professional is precious with time.I visualize the future and hopefully with time your in a good place with that vision I have for you.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Tue, Jan 19, 2010 @ 08:07 PM
My business as a professional matchmaker is greatly influenced and affected by the behavior of all single people I come in contact with.I don't know what you think, but todays world is very different then it was 10-20 years ago.Here are the disturbing observations.
1 High anxiety.
2 Explosive temper tantrums.
3 A rise in mental illness.
4 Lack of tolerance for others.
5 Loss of respect.
6 Inacurate perception.
7 Inacurate stereotyping.
8 Higher amounts of toxic stress.
9 Unhealthy trust issues.
10 Suspicious of most other human beings.
11 Ambivalent about meeting new people.
My friends, all the talent I have in this world qualifies me only to say that these destructive behaviors must be dealt with as a society.The country we live in is high stress and the intolerance is at a high level.When people agree to meet one another and have even 2 of the 11 issues listed above it will cloud any opportunities for beggining a relationship.
We all must deal with more and more emotionally diturbed people walking amongst us in our world, because the stress levels of people are through the roof.The mental health system chooses to deal with many in the community, so you see more of these problems in the community at large.
I am not immune to peoples issues and problems as a matchmaker.This all comes to my doorstep in one form or another.I have chosen to embrace what is brought to me and face it.I help people face up to reality.I try to calm your fears and anxiety.I give you perspective about the world of dating and relationships.I try to difuse anger and calm you down.I know how hard life is and I realize what happens in relationships.My advice is to put many bad , stressful thoughts behind you.I advise you to move on positively.
Mental illness is around us, more and more.Most people with mental illness are harmless, however their issues are real and need to be dealt with.In one way or another most people have had episodes in their lives which cause high anxiety and depression.If you don't tune into it then it get's out of hand.I personally have seen people choose to use anger to communicate frustration towards the opposite sex, even sociopathic behavior with others, this has extrodinary, life changing consequences.My friends is our society breaking down under the pressure?Over the last several years I have talked to many troubled people.I use my talents to help you move forward with dating and relationships, to help you navigate where you are in the process.The facts I present here are real, we must all handle ourselves in a responsible way.Left unchecked you can spiral out of control if you are experiencing any of the 11 issues listed here.Remember humans are fragile and need to be nurtured in a process called life, dating and relationships are a big part of it.We must become more thoughtful about what we are doing to each other.
Joihn Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Wed, Jan 13, 2010 @ 09:11 AM
Rhode island monthly magazine wrote an article about me Titled Man vs. machine.Back then I began my mission to provide safe, affordable matchmaking for singles as an alternative to what I call the nonsense of internet dating.
The lions share of single people out there are making choices as to what direction to go when picking out who they meet.Many log onto dating websites only to be lost in a maze of insincerity or they choose a service like mine.I can let you know the probability of finding someone they can't on a dating website.So which method produces the best results?It all begins with your expectations and it is ethical to let you know whether your chances are good or not.If you are untruthful, have alot of emotional problems and are unrealistic then nothing will work.If you are deceptive the matchmaker will find out, on the internet your right at home, because there is no monitor.
Online you can see page after page of pictures and profiles, most men just look at pictures and contact woman, this is a ridiculous way to choose to be with anyone.You must rely on the fact that online they are telling the truth or are they telling white lies to enhance themselves.With the matchmaker they are interviewed in person.Things are validated by the matchmaker.Online you can send hundreds of e mails and be ignored by 80% of the people you write to.With a matchmaker there is accountability.If you agree to meet someone you must follow through.Those of you with arthritic fingers from typing in utter and complete frustration know what I am writing about here.It can be maddening.
A personal, professional matchmaker meets you in person.I enjoy this and I can get a great sense for who you are.Stability is important as there are growing numbers of unstable people out there.The personal matchmaker makes assessments.A face to face meeting tells alot.I discuss your lifestyle, your aspirations.I place a high importance on your personality and sociability.You get to discuss what is important to you.We deal with issues of physical attraction, age related issues with dating,personal habits,occupation, education,common interests.You get matched by choice and consent with a professional backing you with information and advice.We explore reality not fairytales.The truth is all we communicate in not false promises and on your part not fabricated dreams that never can come true.Then when you get matched you actually meet people in person, live.This beats e mailing strangers and having hope they are who they said they would be.This beats e mailing all night long and hoping someone was courteous enough to respond.
A professional matchmaker charges one fee.I guarentee the amount of service you get.Online sites rent you space by the month and if you never meet anyone then you must pay the rent again.
If you have been on those sites month after month after month with the runaround then matchmaking is an alternative to that.I try to be friendly and helpful, with online sites can you even get customer service or an answer to anything.
Dealing with a professional matchmaker is personal and takes trust on your part to step forward.I view the responsibilty very seriously in dealing with you.I spend alot of time listening to your concerns and responding to your requests and needs.I provide realistic assistance to your dating needs.You can call me and talk to me, who can you talk to on those websites.I facilitate a real process which is to get you off the dating merry go round.It isn't a snap with a magic wand but it sure beats paying monthly fees forever.I will tell it like it is, for some that becomes a problem to listen to it, however I want you to succeed and never pay again.Online sites create a candy store atmosphere where you are tempted to come back over and over again.This for some becomes a compulsive addiction.
The professional matchmaker is convienient.The personal nature works for many.Professional matchmaking does not work for desperate unrealistic people.The matchmaker can be flexible and adaptable.Your interpersonal skills are co mingled with another persons interpersonal skill set.Person to person qualities are what makes relationships.You must meet face to face, afterall who are you kidding hiding behind the computer screen.I hope this will be the year I rescue you from your computer mouse.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Mon, Jan 11, 2010 @ 11:38 AM
Joe is 65 he wants 40-55 Sally wont go out with anyone more than 2 years older than her she is 53.John is 56 he chases woman 40-45 and then there are now cougars who are attractive older woman chasing men 20 years younger.Ever since the begining of time men were predisposed to date younger woman, then woman started declaring that they will date younger, well did the chicken come before the egg or the egg first? Someone has to date older.I get a kick out of everyone over 50 who tells me they are much younger for there age and no one else could be.
Here is the approach that realistic matchmaking takes.If someone is within 10 years of your age and closer then it is reasonable to think it can work, outside that and it probably won't work.
Younger woman only go out with older men because of 2 reasons.
1 He has alot of money and they can live off it.
2 He is a psychological father figure to her.
Younger men date cougars only if they are attractive and only because cougars say yes when young woman say no.I hope I am making sense about an issue that lingers on and produces alot of frustration.I think we all must at many different times in our lives come to grips with the reality of age.This doesn't mean you have to stop doing things, you should do them with people closer to your age.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Sun, Jan 10, 2010 @ 08:15 AM
It really helps to understand how you assess meeting people and how you decide to reject or accept them as dating partners.
I think many people make premature decisions about someone before they ever recieve full information from them.Not enough involvement and time is invested in really getting to know someone.A decision quite often is based on instant chemistry, is it here imediately, if not you will just move on.
So how do you decide who is worthy of your continued attention? Here are some suggestions.
1 Does he/she live up to committments made?
2 Does he/she open up to you about the intimate details of their lives?
3 Can your dating partner express their feelings to you?
4 Does your dating partner have alot of anxiety in life?
5 Does your dating partner speak to you about anything while concealing nothing?
6 Does your dating partner involve you in decision making?
7 If there are problems, does your dating partner provide useful feedback to you?
8 Does your dating partner listen to you without frequent interruption?
9 Does your dating partner have a code of ethics?
10 Does your dating partner respect time and shows up on time to be with you?
11 Does your dating partner resolve conflicts in your relationship in an amicable solution oriented way?
12 Does your dating partner have a bad temper and acts irrational when disagreement takes place?
13 Do you trust completely your dating partner?
14 Does your opinion matter when you are with your dating partner?
15 Does your dating partner accept criticism in a graceful way?
16 Does your dating partner control all conversations?
17 Does your dating partner truly respect you?
18 Is your dating partner accessible to you?
19 Does your dating partner have a sense of humor?
20 Is your dating partner dedicated to you?
It must be said that authentic concerns such as listed are a good barometer that your relationship is the real thing, not superficial.It is what realistic matchmaking is about, examining the deeper levels of reality. Relationships must be valid, legitimate not convienient for superficial reasons.Accept no substitute for realism.
John Hol
Posted by John Holt on Wed, Jan 06, 2010 @ 08:08 PM
Hello everybody.I couldn't resist to publicly comment on an article I read titled " Fat people kicked off dating website" This story was printed about a website called beautifulpeople.com a dating website that only allows beautiful people on it.Evidently after people got overweight during the holidays the site operator booted them off.Thousands of the beautiful people gained weight and got the boot.This website has a strict policy which bans ugly people.I know alot of superficial men who would love this site.However in my estimation many of them would never get on the site themselves.The reason the 5,000 or so members got the boot was because all the other vain folks demanded it.The folks banned were suggested some boot camp style places to get there figure back and physique back.Yes those vigilant members demanded drastic action be taken.
I say what in the world is coming next, genetic engineering? Every vain member is allowed to reapply when they get in shape again.The website claims letting fatties roam the sight is an assault on their business model.You actually have to pass a rating process to get on the site, so my friends what do you think about this nonsense and by the way isn't this just another one of the many things I talk about with online dating.I do by the way tell people who think they can be with beautiful people is that they only comprise 4% of all people on earth and they do tend to attract each other.We continue to live in an ever complex society dont we?Today more than ever realistic matchmaking is needed.It's a fact of life with some people that looks is everything.It isn't enough to be moderately attractive or average.Most people chase those dreams like a cat chasing it's tail.It's hard enough to meet people without being scrutinized for imperfection.Let's face it beautiful people are in the minority, this doesn't mean the rest of us are unattractive.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Wed, Jan 06, 2010 @ 02:16 PM
Wow, what has been taking place is fabulous.This week men and woman have been embracing realistic matchmaking in large numbers.I was on the road for 12-14 hour days signing up many people in rhode island, connecticut and new york.This idea of realistic matchmaking is taking hold.Realistic matchmaking is a way of life for me.I am able to rescue you from the fallacy of online dating, rescuing you from dating your computer mouse.How do you match up?One of my members from Yorktown heights New York told me the men are fun to meet, she is having fun with this service.I love to hear that.I am highly spirited in my optomism for 2010 and the new decade.
I can't wait to see who signs up next.The matriculation is making matches abundant these days.The expansion into new york is in full swing and connecticut and rhode island is off the charts.I have begun to transform realistic matchmaking into reality for many people who now can see the light instead of the nonsense of online dating.Growth is paramount in this business and I am energized.
My spirit and goals for you are contagious and guess what I expanded the radio show networking singles to two hours instead of one.Give my show a listen on 1380 am wnri or stream it on the internet at www.wnri.com Thursdays 6-8 pm.
Customer service is important to me and I focus on finding you the right person not just anyone.I have some outstanding people here at tri-state dating service, you'll want to meet them.My goal is clear for the new decade.Spread the idea of realistic matchmaking all over the northeast united states.What are you waiting for the train is leaving the station.
John Holt
Realistic Matchmaker