Posted by John Holt on Mon, Aug 02, 2010 @ 08:34 PM
Well folks, can I get you away from texting, tweeting, linking in or up or whatever, perhaps you can get away from the face book wall for a minute. Hey you, yes you, can you shut off the I pod and put the blackberry away. Oh yes, please check your wallet to see if there is anything left in it, not to mention your bank account from buying all this stuff and subscribing to it. This can turn your brain into cyber slush. I forgot, on line dating sites where among the good people you can meet are some seriously dangerous ones. Oh well maybe we all can go to craigs list and blackball them all, you know, get real even with them.
The internet and the technological age is shaping our lives more than ever before. I think we are all becoming robotic, dehumanized people. There are many people who lack in social skills and can't connect in person when they actually are stripped of technology and must actually rely on their own social instincts.
I as a matchmaker feel a strong sense of sending you to charm and charisma school where you learn the old graceful art of face to face meaningful connection, no I don't mean writing hugz in slang in an instant message on the computer. I'm talking real body hug's they are better, trust me. Feeling a body up against the other one beats inter net hugz hands down.
Have we all gone mad? This techno craze is a giant money making scheme, even I have to use it to communicate, although I love face to face meetings, they tell me the real story. Perhaps you'll come out someday and meet me in person and do the dance of real human communication face to face with southern new englands most realistic matchmaker, thousands of people have done it. I have first hand experience with assessment of your dating needs. I help you face people in person. My competence will help you escape the land of cyber nonsense. My imagination just runs wild when I think about the possibilities that two people can achieve when they meet one another in person and have nothing else to share but themselves.
In cyberspace there is no real finesse no way to judge being special, it's an email or an instant message and so long. After all you don't want anything to slow you down like hmmmm maybe each other, just get on to the next 500 people you need to taxt, send messages to and instant message, maybe it is off to the chatroom where you never really see who your chatting with. Much worse you don't really no who they are. I ask is this proficiency? The time you spend doing this takes you away from the summer breeze, the walk on the beach. It takes you away from the beat, the rhythm of what two people do to start romancing each other, because my friends it isn't real. Technology was meant for easy communication, not unhealthy addiction. How many of you have embraced yourselves in total natural environments these days or are you gawking at cyber pictures of nature. Someday when I'm fishing on lake champlain seeing the beauty of where I am I will think about you.
John Holt
Matchmaker/ bravo to reality.
Posted by John Holt on Sun, Jul 25, 2010 @ 04:40 PM
No subject on earth is a bigger lightning rod than dating.I see the reactions by the hundreds daily. Some people can't control their emotions when it comes to what happens in dating. I read it on their facial expressions all the time. Success is difficult and rejection is so hurtful. Inspiration is my game. Understanding you inside and out is my way of helping you. The suspense of waiting for the right match is more than some can bear.It sends you off in a direction where you can scream I AM UTTERLY FRUSTRATED! I live that with you daily, weekly and for many years in some cases. Did you ever wonder what the alternative is. The operative word is patience. Don't let dating consume you.Get a life and live it to the fullest, instead of getting hysterical over not having a perfect dating partner or a meaningful relationship. I want you to tell me your happy and living life, never mind the games, dating is a game, so why do you get emotionally disturbed over it. It is like 2 years of tantrums, anxiety,whining and getting emotional, then you find someone. So if you were happy and patient those 2 years would be much easier right.
Human nature suggests we complain then we get upset and get emotional.Remember the saying, music soothes the savage beast. Compatible dates soothes singles, only of course when the feelings are mutual.
There have been many emotions I have witnessed.
1 Out of control compliments coming from singles who hit it big here.I hear uncontrollable joy directed at me.
2 I also get people who scream at me until my ear drum shatters.
3 Feelings of trust are conveyed.
4 Mistrust and paranoia are exhibited.
5 Anger and frustration.
6 Peaceful conversation.
7 Cheerful attitude.
8 Positive thoughts.
9 Totally negative thoughts.
10 Outbursts.
Some of you must think this is a roller coaster ride daily. You would be right. I John Holt matchmaker am on the biggest roller coaster of them all, the emotional roller coaster. This roller coaster never stops running. It leaves me thinking, planning and dealing with all you throw at me. I go to bed at night for tranquility as I get it nowhere else.
Everyone is afraid of rejection and living it is unpleasant.I say learn from it and make yourself better.This then becomes work.If you don't do the work on yourself you will cuddle up with the cat instead of a date. The cat sometimes is a better option. I own 2 of them, I never worry about their unconditional love. However humans desire each other in many seductive ways, so emotion comes with rejection.In order to curb the emotions we must find the cause for rejection. Once we find the cause then change must take place, for many adults change is difficult, if you don't want to change then keep dating and moving on. Dating is about timing, letting time pass bother you will get you angry and emotional.You will be wearing your unhealthy emotions on your face daily and it can make you ugly. To get to walking on a cloud status you must dance with human emotions of joy, frivolity, happiness, laughter. You must be viewed as jovial, pleasant, smile it works. Smile through your sadness. It's my job to find someone for you.It is your job to keep emotionally healthy while the process marches on. Stay cool as a summer breeze not hot under the collar.
In human emotions come a mixed bag of exhibited behavior which will convey exactly how you will be perceived.In dating perception is much of the time reality. Take an in depth look at your dating life with me. I will evaluate your pattern, tell you where emotions got you out of the loop. I am extensive, all embracing of who you are. I leave no stone unturned in getting you on the right emotional path. There should be no more endless searching, it is based on what you have discovered about yourself, until you discover yourself, no one will discover you. This will lead to rejection, your not identified easily by the opposite sex, you become an emotional basket case over it and even less attractive, work must be done here for the emotional ones.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Fri, Jul 23, 2010 @ 09:56 AM
Once again I am willing to go where other matchmakers dream of going.I simply believe that behavior is totally indicative of where you end up in life.People are very judgmental. The highest quality people are naturally good at presenting themselves.
The proper way to project yourself for more dates and a pathway to a relationship that lasts is to be benevolent, courteous and think of others, not yourself. In my matchmaking business I am always thinking in terms of my members, leaving my own self interest behind.If you are a selfish person you will soon find yourself surrounded by less people, when surrounded by less people your chances of finding dates will diminish. This will leave your future up in the air.
Desperation sometimes walks hand in hand with being selfish, spinning you out of control. It all becomes what you want and want it now, you can't think clearly. The time becomes now and in dating timing is everything. Selfish, desperate behavior makes you ugly not attractive. The very worse side of you is out for everyone you meet, frustration builds then the blame game begins. This selfish, aggressive and out of control desperation moves you further away from obtaining your goal.
Love life, don't make dating a mission. The finest people have good attitudes and are in control of themselves. Distinguish yourself by benevolence toward the opposite sex, it really is not a competition, a game of controlling everything. There is no score sheet. You want chemistry. When you desire chemistry a natural feeling takes place, forcing a jockey for position strategy where you will micro manage and control everything is so wrong. This comes from being selfish, not caring about the effects on others. This I , me generation thing where we all want everything instantly and know defies logic. Humans are complex, relationships are complicated, take a deep breath and make a resolution to become benevolent, friendly, easy to talk to, think of others, not yourself interest, you will be viewed as desireable.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Mon, Jul 19, 2010 @ 10:07 PM
This comes straight at you from a male matchmaker.Men let's get real! I keep hearing the following, can I see a picture? I want to date gorgeous woman! I met a man last saturday in wakefield R.I and he wants elegant woman, who are likely going to be high end, with all the intelligence in the world to go along with elegant beauty. I hear all the time, is she in shape? What does she weigh? How young can I have dates? On and on it goes, blah blah blah double blah blah blah nonsense. Ladies if your not on an excercise bike or treadmill reading this, I suggest you get there. Here is a list of 12 adjectives used to describe what men want.
1 Gorgeous.
2 Elegant.
3 Beautiful.
4 Shapely.
5 Athletic.
6 Atractive.
7 Appealing.
8 Sexy.
9 Voluptuous.
10 Thin.
11 Slender.
12 Pretty.
So ladies what will you do to attract men? I would love to see your comments.Much worse, many of these men are utter and complete delusional hypocrites, many of the woman they toss aside as non dateable are better looking counterparts than they are.
The affects of woman outnumbering men have made men superselective, ambivalent characters that make your search highly difficult.The figures are staggering.There are 212,623 more single woman than men in long island, metro n.y city, westchester county, dutchess county, rockland county, putnam county, n.y and fairfield county c.t. Rhode Island is now the number 2 state in the country for more single females than males and in the greater boston area there are 66,000 more single woman than men, so what is a girl supposed to do? Many of you lament and watch calendar pages rip off and head into history.You better hire me just to find men.Gone are the picky days, if your still picky your dead in the water.
So why is visual being taken so far out of proportion, afterall if he doesn't know how to dress, his gut is getting larger by the week, his hair is falling out and a trip to the dentist is suggested then who does he think he is? He continually sings that song " Who's that lady, that fine lady that sexy lady."
So are you giving in ladies? Lucious being used to describe you, seasoned with sweetness.I think sweet is better than looks, it has an inner aspect to it.
One thing is for sure, men are visual, worse than ever before.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Mon, Jul 12, 2010 @ 10:02 PM
Trips to the big apple N.Y city are continuing.Stops being made in westchester county N.Y tell me new york is where it is happening. Wait a minute, good old fairfield county C.T stepped up to the plate, not to mention kent county R.I and I cant leave out central C.T, callers to my saturday radio show networking singles on news talk 104.7 wxlm fm come from long island and many different places in C.T, last week I spoke in depth about how meaningful relationships form and sustain themselves, by working hard to communicate.
There is nothing easy about dating, relationship building, it is work, plain and simple.
I have recently met many singles who were married and the bitter end of those marriages is so unfortunate, it isn't the end of the world, it is a new start, fresh and full of hope, not despair.
Folks take advantage of this new explosive influx into my service in C.T, R.I and N.Y, It's dynomite that singles are embracing my firebrand attitude of realistic matchmaking, catch the wave.
It will be my pleasure to help you become coupled again.It is time to end the intensity and begin the fun, can you relate to two words.
1 HAPPY.
2 FUN.
Can you smile and embrace a good attitude?Will you begin to like, embrace and love the opposite sex? Yes I am dynamic and my hand is reaching out to you, do you get it, are you ready to join my movement? This growth will be mindblowing and I will preside over it, work with you and match you until your taken, until your in a relationship of meaning.Realistic matchmaking is electrifying, my pursuit of success is relentless.
So where are you? They are into it in N.Y., They really get it in C.T and R.I is hopping.
This is compelling you to get out of the gate away from the doom and gloom and SMILE, FLIRT, GET WITH IT! If your not mesmerized to my relentless energy yet, then come to know me.I am vibrant and ready to go, are you?
I believe it is time to unravel your baggage, leave it behind, cast your problems away, don't dwell in negativity, don't be a nagging na bob of negativity.Become men and woman of vitality as I travel through your town with high energy.I will do what it takes.I took a walk in queens N.Y with a vibrant 39 year old woman of class who gets it. I sat in Wilton C.T and helped a woman get her issues out on the table to resolve and develop a strategy. I inspired the man from hampton C.T not to give up.The woman from Groton C.T is ready, after 40 years of marriage the woman from exeter is ready to try again.What about you? I am ready to instill my no nonsense approach, can you handle it? The woman in central C.T can handle it, what about you?
It's time for a functional relationship.It's time to meet dependable singles.Hop on the bandwagon from R.I, C.T AND N.Y
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Wed, Jul 07, 2010 @ 09:29 AM
Wow, long title isn't it.I travel all over the place meeting thousands of singles. I get to see main street America, town by town.I really enjoy this aspect of my career.
So what does tri state dating service America look like? The phone rings or a form is delivered from this website and the process begins. I learn about you and you learn about me.Much of what you learn is retained.I would say about 55% of it, the rest, well you need a refresher course from me from time to time. This is complicated business.The whole idea of matching singles is full of millions of details. This is more than a cup of coffee and an interview at star bucks coffee shop or wherever. This is John Holt in the flesh interviewing you, inspiring you, giving you confidence, becoming your friend, your very personal matchmaker, dealing with issues, fears, stereotypes, self sabotaging behaviors, personalities and sometimes with tough love. Many of you are pioneers, the brave one of a group of friends testing this out. No you go first, how about you, not me, maybe you should.Yes this evokes funny feelings, after all you thought the inter net dating sites would work, it was anonymous and you thought you controlled everything, wrong, you met some very fraudulent people didn't you? I get to go to main street America and screen out the fraud so you wont be exposed to it.
So what does tri-state dating look like.This place is a vast collection of interesting people.They are all nice people but different. It takes all kinds to make the world go round.Her is a synopsis of who is here at tri-state. There are allot of educational professionals here.Teachers at every level, school administrators and college professors.There men here getting to meet huge amounts of interesting woman, some just for dating, I hope it turns into more so I will work my tactics behind the scenes to get there. You should know that there are people who succeed on the first match I give you. There are others that stay here for 5-10 years, some of them got married after being here for that long.There is an art dealer and collector who is tickled pink he found his match recently here at tri-state dating service they are from Fitchburg and southbridge mass. southbridge is in the top 20 enrolled towns in this service. There are some highly intellectual men here at tri state, some of them are writers.There are many in the building business and building trades, some own paving companies, did you know that Milford C.T is in the top 20most enrolled towns in this dating service. I have pipe fitters, electricians, business analysts, some are shy, some are outgoing, some have been married before others haven't. Guess what? These are people with all different backgrounds.I deal with everyone. I have doctors from all different disciplines here, many are so busy they need to hire a matchmaker to provide services.What I don't have here is a bunch of players who aren't serious about developing a relationship.I have learned all about the world of singles it varies from state to state, Massachusetts tends to be a very mixed group.Massachusetts has the largest diversity of men and woman.Rhode island is a very tight knit group of people, very close to their own state, however many woman from rhode island tend to get matched in Connecticut and Massachusetts, ever wonder why? I currently have a large amount of attractive woman in rhode island, very professional attractive woman, can be a challenge to some.I have a mortgage banker from newport rhode island, he has met close to 40 woman in the last 5 months, do you get it men? 40 woman in 5 months. There are people here from Connecticut in large numbers, new London county C.T is my most successful county in the tri-state dating service community, Norwich, Mystic, {I love Mystic} Groton, and niantic are in the top 20 most enrolled towns in this service.I have numerous people who work for the large companies in new london county enrolled here. Hartford county, new haven county and fairfield county has a large contingency in this service. New york is on board, there are some very dynamic professional men and woman from westchester county N.Y. Long Island, Manhattan and new york city here, very accomplished people.Vermont and it's rural charm is the next frontier for this dating service and is in growth mode.I am looking forward to meeting many vermonters in the coming months.
So what goes on at tri state dating service, lot's of matching, marriages and relationships formed, dates for people to go on and interesting people to meet.There is also much learning about yourself that takes place, some of it a challenge. I will challenge you and you will challenge me, yes there is disagreement and frustration at tri-state dating service.This service is real main street America and I traveled to all your towns here are the last 50 towns I was in.
1 Brattleboro V.T
2 New London C.T
3 Woonsocket R.I
4 Cumberland R.i
5 Pelham N.Y
6 Yorktown Heights N.Y
7 Southbury C.T
8 Middletown C.T
9 East Hartford C.T
10 West Hartford C.T
11 West Warwick R.I
12 New Rochelle N.Y
13 Manchester C.T
14 Milton Mass.
15 Holland Mass.
16 Southbridge Mass.
17 Dudley Mass.
18 North Kingstown R.I
19 Springfield V.T
20 Greenfield Mass.
21 Providence R.i
22 Waterford C.T
23 Wilton C.T
24 Brookfield C.T
25 Worcester Mass.
26 Templeton Mass.
27 Stow Mass.
28 Maynard Mass.
29 Coventry R.I
30 Warwick R.I
31 Johnston R.I
32 Great Neck N.Y
33 Agawam Mass.
34 Westerly R.i
35 Farmington C.t
36 Mystic C.T
37 Groton C.T
38 Stonington C.T
39 Milford C.T
40 East Greenwich R.i
41 Newport R.I
42 Haddam C.T
43 Wolcott C.T
44 Portland C.T
45 Windham C.T
46 Woodstock C.T
47 Webster Mass.
48 Exeter R.I
49 Salem N.Y
50 Rye N.Y
I hope you see me as your traveling matchmaker coming to your town soon in main street america.I'm very serious about my mission to match people realistically.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Tue, Jul 06, 2010 @ 10:08 PM
I hope everyone had a great 4th of July. I love the 4th of July it is one of my favorites.Having enjoyed it I returned to the real world today.
The real world in the middle of a heat wave.The real world as I see it lately is full of frailty,emotional strife, lack of trust, mental dysfunction and unhappiness for many.We live in a country that could best be described as how the roman empire was before the collapse.Corruption as far as the eye can see in govt. and corporate america.I also see a portion of our country that is similiar to the movie Caligula. Did anyone see this movie? Finally another portion of this country could best be characterized as what went on in the movie one flew over the cuckoos nest.How did I arrive at this assumption you might ask.I answer from careful observation.When I first started out in 1992 and now I am headed into my 19th year I read an article in entrepreneurs magazine, the article said that the dating service business was a good one to get into.The article also said be prepared to be an arm chair psychologist.That was profound and true to this day.I was at one time working in the mental health field where I was exposed to much of what I see these days, only much of it was inside a secure mental health facility not out in the community.The larger problems are now in the community amongst us.Where did we all take this turn.I believe that we are not well prepared for the stress and pressure of the high flying world of wall street hedge fund manipulators, banking institutions gone awry, thieves for politicians and much worse this technological behemoth of devices that we now use to communicate with one another.
Let's see I hear about relationships coming to an end because as the tears rolled down her cheek her boyfriend {heaven forbid} didnt text her at 2 am at the party she didn't trust him to go to to begin with, so as the soap opera continued she ran to facebook and wrote all about him.Then she tweeted statements for 2 hours on twitter, she next linked in with mental health practitioners on linked in and smeared his reputation on craigs list, what she never did was talk to him in person about anything.I ask all of you, have we gone crazy with this cyber nonsense?
Now who do some of us look up to, perhaps Lindsay Lohan who is going to real life jail for 90 days for being dysfunctional, did anyone look up to her as an example of how you live life.
By the way there are a variety of mental health professionals I know who are excellent practitioners and there are others that need to turn in there license, because they have far worse issues than anyone who uses there services.
Look out everyone, this country is coming unraveled daily, so let's get a grip.Did the last generation raise such fragile people? I said it before and I will say it again.The victim label mentality, culture of blame. The idea of zero responsibility for anything exists.This way of thinking has destroyed 55% of all relationships.I say it isn't time to abdicate to caligula status where an orgy of psychosocial dysfunction embedded in the fabric of how we function is the order of the day.Where did this breakdown come from.I say it came from serious stress to continue this lifestyle that get's more and more expensive, selfishness about what we want and the hell with what others want, just give me what I want, right, you bet.
So knowing what I just told you, what is the answer.Today an engagement was announced by two precious people who knew who they are and knew they belonged together, isn't this the salvation of the month and the day? HOORAY for them!In the midst of the crazy world, they did it. They were matched by me, they never blamed anyone for being single.These two people had the attitude of positive thinking, they are normal people who grasped reality of daily life, not strife, life.
I went on today to continue to deal with serious emotional fallout with a purpose and a smile as I love so much that engagement took place here in my small sliver of the world, it got better, many woman who waited patiently without toxic attitudes got matched. I told an italian woman from southbury C.T today what a wonderful person she is As I matched her with 2 men in the last week.She is fun and the pillar of common sense she is happy and raises her son to be respectful.I got the email from the woman from east hartford C.T who is americas sweetheart and was matched with two men in 5 days, she is a breath of fresh air.I also had to mediate some very emotionally charged situations while understanding the fragile nature of who these people are, I gave advice to at least 35 others today in one form or another. I evaluated dating feedback from men and woman, some of it accurate other feedback , toxic and venomous.I deal with men and woman who like each other and admire each other. I admire them. I deal with people who don't really like the opposite sex and engage in behavior that is purposelly destructive.Much of the venom from past relationships.I believe the mental health community has much to do in the coming months and years.
Now let me say this as succintly as possible. The recession is here and has been for two years, we must together break out of it by trusting people again, yes we will be burned, we must move ahead, move forward with purpose and attitude that will rise above the fall of the roman empire. It isn't to late.This is just one mans opinion, perhaps you want to weigh in.I certainly hope we all calm down from stress, think clearly, consider others feelings and begin to trust someone again, after all summertime is for romance, you cant have romance if your all messed up psychologically. The truth is get rid of the past baggage, forget whatever happened it isn't anything you can change and embrace reality. I will lead you into realistic matchmaking.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Mon, Jun 28, 2010 @ 11:04 AM
Make no mistake my matchmaking process is designed for longevity in relationships. There is nothing like the lifestyle stability that is a good relationship. The cold hard facts are 99% of all human beings crave solid relationships with the oposite sex. This has become far more complicated than it really should be.The heaping on of criteria you use to rule someone in or out keeps you from ever connecting, loosen up your criteria and lighten up on your intensity.
Relationships are built on trust, reputation and reliability.The internet fast paced techno world we live in has attempted to redefine how we form relationships. The onset of social media is now a virtual temple where we go to create shrines of ourselves. The communication is faceless it is online in conduits such as facebook, Twitter, Myspace and the like. The more virtual we get the less raw contact in person we have, your time must be managed to deal with relationship pursuit.
In the end, getting upfront and personal is the only thing that matters. The activities you do will be done live and in person, unless your a permanent techno geek hiding out behind a computer screen avoiding human contact. Men and womans instincts to become attracted, close and everything that is important in human contact is live and in person.
The definition of a good relationship is having someone you totally trust, understand, relate to on a deep level.This is further defined by chemistry, closeness, intimacy. In order to have a solid relationship you must be free of psychological barriers from wherever they came from.
I am hoping to continue to explode the myths of online connection being reality.This is not real unless your in person together. Let's strip away the technology barrier and get up close in person.
All relationships that last are because men and woman commit to one another.The current of their communication flows well and in the bad times they stick it out. Front runners never stay in one relationship. These people look for you when your on top.They leave you when your down.There is this stupidity out there over the last 5 years that in dating people are labeling others as too needy.This is nonsense! In a relationship we always need each other, in connection we form a team together, on the team we bolster and need each other. The very raw human being totally stripped of nothing but human emotion needs deep connection.
I as a matchmaker realize that recognition of solid basis forms relationship.I will view you as real or phony. The non commital phonies will never form relationships. There is a psychological disconnect in their personalities that forbids closeness.
Certain interpretations of communication both non verbal and verbal are the starting points for building solid relationships. Can you form a meaningful relationship? I think we need to talk, especially if your for real. 800-252-6210
John Holt
Matchmaker with insight!
Posted by John Holt on Fri, Jun 25, 2010 @ 02:34 PM
I find it amazing these days how trust is at an all time low. Trust is linked to credibility. I understand that many singles have been burned by promises made by on line dating site companies, other matchmakers, dating services, social media sites, event organizations and on and on it goes. I also understand that many singles feel burned by other singles, ex spouses or ex boyfriends and girlfriends.So what happens next? I refused a man membership recently to my service because he was already as jaded by these things as it gets. I wont deal with you if you cant trust the process. I further look for good attitude, your outlook makes you attractive, so I am stocking up on singles with good attitude, your most wanted by me.I am not looking for poisonous people, they need to be attending toxic daters support group somewhere. This is where they can connect in the culture of blame, they can wallow in victim mentality. Please read my previous blog article about the culture of blame.
What happens for positive people is marriage, long term relationships, good friends, fun activity partners, people to talk to and connect. It is beautiful summertime and what I am all about for you is getting you a summer romance. I am focused on real people. I made an appointment for tomorrow with a positive woman from central c.t she is welcome, she understands process, communication and has a good attitude, if you have a good attitude I want you in my service.
Let's lighten up folks, life is too short are you ready for fun times in the summertime.
Men are you ready to meet the soft feminine beauty and charm of my female members? The summer breezes are blowing, perhaps the winds of change are turning direction, from flying over the toxic dating dump to the meadow of fresh attitude. I want you if your bursting with life. The old fashioned goodness of my old fashioned matchmaking skills will help the good guys win every time. Isn't it refreshing to deal with smiling, beautiful on the inside as well as the outside people.Turn the beat around get the attitude. I'm contagious if you meet me.
If your not with anyone it is time to be with amusing, funloving, entertaining people. Time to think clearly about good attitude.Trust is having faith in my realistic matchmaking process which is all about great attitude.
John Holt
Matchmaker
Posted by John Holt on Thu, Jun 24, 2010 @ 08:01 AM
Dating is evolutionary, in my time as a matchmaker which is now 19 years, you bet things change. There are more single woman in the population than men in most parts of the country.Ladies if you are searching for better odds go to some parts of texas, california, arizona, nevada and south florida, this is where single men outnumber you.Ladies if your in new york state, especially in the big apple, long island, dutchess and westchester county you better come and see me, you outnumber the men significantly. Fairfield county c.t where the divorce rate is high, guess what, you ladies took sole possesion of the homes and the men left.Geographically desireable is not in your future.
Today dealing with men is a major frustration for woman, so what can you expect.
1 Older men wont travel any further than 30 minutes to 1 hour away to meet you.
2 Some older men are fools worse than any because they think they can date woman so much younger than them, you will find some that are realistic. I have some here at tri state dating service.
3 Men are more visual than ever before. Ladies, start excercising 2 hours a day and watch what you eat because these men are worse than ever about picking you on looks. A man who was making a fantastic living as a lawyer told me on the day he met me the following " John I don't care if the woman you choose for me is down and out financially and lives in a depressed neighborhood just as long as she is attractive and sweet"
4 Role confusion, you bet, the woman have become the men and the men the woman in the sense that how we date and approach dating is completely reversed from 10 years ago.
5 Disinterest is high in the male population, why, because woman were too picky for many years and just plain scared men out of active dating.
So what do we do to change the culture. This is my lifes mission as your matchmaker. I feel amazed and in many ways I feel that men can do better as human beings, my example is that this stupid number rating system you guys use from 1-10 is so demeaning to woman and means nothing except insulting to woman, instead here is what I suggest.
1 Disposition, look for a sweet disposition in a woman.
2 Emotional stability, this is important because a roller coaster ride of a relationship is about to happen if she is emotionally disturbed.
3 Attention, is she really paying attention to you.
4 Reasonable looks, men get your heads out of the hollywood clouds, stop dreaming about babes. These woman are 4% of the entire population.
5 Age appropriate, meaning your own age to ten years younger.
6 Brains are attractive, you can really find the intellectual woman sexy if you dig deeper.
7 Style does she have a flair, does she dress to please. Wow is she seductive and flirts with you.
8 Fun, fun and more fun along with laughter. I think your lucky if she is like this.
9 Is she open and candid with you.
10 What a smile, does she have it going on.
These are what you men should look for and men let me tell you that I have a bonanza of these kind of woman here at tri state dating service.The culture of acceptance for both men and woman must change.It is time to have me in your life so I can set you straight, especially if your wandering aimlessly in the dating pool.If the last 5 years have been more serene and your comfortable alone with a book a drink.Maybe your reading my blog by yourself.
A woman from southern rhode island hired me this week because she feels I will change things for her from the past, she is smart, attractive and has an aesthetic charm, another woman from central c.t hired me she is a total package.Another service turned her away because she is 5 foot 11, she is well educated, in her own business with charm, long blonde hair blue eyes and moral character.I was laughing when she told me that the other service never met her and turned her away. Men she is americas sweetheart. Many of you guys dont get it. You should value my opinion and expertise. A man from c.t who is 60 is telling me he is tired of being alone, he finds no one at bars. He is looking for a woman who is retired from 50-60 is this a joke, only the independently wealthy retire these days from 50-60 what is he really asking for, ATTENTION, that's right and you need to be attractive and live within 1 hour of wolcott c.t anyone up for it? I was retained to show him pictures, you would not believe the attractive woman I showed him and he still sits there because he doesn't get it.
Pictures, more pictures and even more pictures that don't always depict you at your best. Men, in person a woman is much better, you get a sense for this when you actually meet them. I have a man in long island pouting, he joined 4 months ago and hasn't seen a picture yet he likes, he stays alone, remains alone. I say too bad!
I once had an idea that I would run a fashion show, the wondeful ladies of tri state would each walk out on the runway say something meaningful, then I would ask the men in the audiance to stand up if they want to date her, however here is the twist. I would then ask the men , each one of them to make a statement why they wanted her and then allow the woman to say yes or no to them, what a novel idea. I probably should try it. Another culture changing idea would be to fill up a room with 25 men and 25 woman and have me provoke a serious discussion about dating and relationships, you all could be there and tell it like it is to each other, isn't this bold. In the end you all might learn respect for each other.
Ladies I dont want to let you off the hook either, for years your lists of the undatable got you into the troubles of today.I say whats wrong with the loveable nerd who is loyal to you forever.Why is it that many of you discriminate against blue collar men? If your shorter than him why is it that men below 5 foot 7 are less desireable. Do you really think if he hasn't been married by 40 years old that there must be something wrong with him? What about the jovial fun, educated man who needs to lose 30 pounds? Does education really matter, what about the smart man who isn't well educated? on and on it goes, realistic matchmaking ill change the culture if you have the guts to embrace it. I met one woman this week who gets it.
It is time for men to come out and look. The bullts of the picky years have stopped flying over your foxhole.I am a matchmaker that has mastered this craft of mine, this profession. The artistry of who you are endowed with great qualities will get you to a better place, embrace this movement instead of mindless picture viewing. It doesn't take a genius to understand substance. We all have talents let's be better than superficial fools.I have vision, talk to me about my vision for you.Just get it that's all I ask.
John Holt
Matchmaker